Hoping Against Hope in a Hopeless World

What happens when we lose hope? I believe we are looking at it.

School shootings, terrorist attacks, home invasions, sex trafficking, drug addiction..the list goes on and on. All of these things seem to be more "normal" as time moves forward. We are rarely even shocked to read them in the headlines anymore.

These things have all taken place since the beginning of time, but there's no doubt the pendulum has swung further toward them in recent years. What has changed? I believe we have lost hope.

When I was a child, we had regular assemblies at school, often led by missionaries or pastors. Where I grew up, the majority of the people in my community were Christian, so no one had a problem with a religion-based program. As a regular Sunday School attendee, most of what was sung about or talked about in these programs was very familiar to me.

I've thought back in recent years, however, about the small percentage of children in my school who weren't involved in church and who may not have had a Christian upbringing. I'm going to guess maybe 15-20% of the school population may have fit into this category. Of these kids, how many may have heard The Good News of hope in Christ through one of these programs, where they may have never heard it otherwise?

Maybe small seeds were planted, prompting a few kids to ask their parents about God. Maybe the little New Testaments they handed out were open and studied. Maybe the child's interest in Who God is prompted the parents to get back into church. Maybe only 1 or 2% of those kids heard something in those programs that spoke to their hearts, but wasn't it still worth it, even if only a couple of souls were saved? 

How many of those children realized for the first time in their lives that we have hope, that this crazy world and all it's hurt is not all we have to look forward to? We will never really know the numbers, but it's evident that our moral decline correlates with the removal of God from our society. 

Those types of assemblies would start a riot in today's time. CNN would blast it on the air and people from around the world would jump in to comment on how unfair and offensive it is to other religions. We are now in a time where God can't even be publicly mentioned without someone being offended. We can't call a Christmas party a Christmas party, it's now a holiday party instead. Store employees are forbidden to say, "Merry Christmas!" We can't collectively pray at the opening of a ballgame at our schools. Teachers aren't allowed to even tell a student they will pray for them for fear of losing their jobs. God has been removed from many things already, and there is still a push to have His name removed from our currency and our courtroom walls. 

A world without hope is a scary place. If this is all there is, we are in trouble. If life is merely survival, and then our bodies and are left to decay in a grave, it's no wonder so many people are trying to escape through drugs and alcohol. If this is all there is, it's understandable why so much suicide is grabbing the headlines, even of people who seem to have it all. If this is all there is, why care about anything or anyone but ourselves. If it's all going to end anyway, just enjoy whatever you want and get it however you can and don't worry about the end result. Just live for today and figure out tomorrow tomorrow.  If this is all there is, what's the point in caring about anything? 

Hope tells us to hang in there. Hope tells us there's more to the story! God encourages us to look toward Heaven and to have hope in Him! 

Psalm 42:11

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life

Hope in Christ is the only hope we have. If He is real, then He is in control of all the details of our lives and He works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). If He is real, then this crazy planet is not our home (Hebrews 13:14). He is preparing us a place in Heaven, where we will never again hurt or suffer (John 14:3). If He is real, then our time here is temporary..a trial run..and our eternity will be spent in Heaven (2 Corinthians 4:18). If He is real, we have hope (Isaiah 40:31).

None of us have met with God face to face. None of us know for a fact He is real. Our faith comes from hope, and our hope comes from faith. We have to start by believing The Bible is The Word of God Himself, and from that basis we develop a relationship with Him through faith. Once you trust in Him, He reveals Himself to your heart..you just know He is real. He shows Himself through answered prayer, many times through miracles that no one can explain. He shows Himself through the peace in our hearts, even when it seems like hope should be gone. 

There is hope. You have nothing in this temporary world to lose if you accept that. Trust Him. Ask Him. Follow Him. You have everything to gain if you do. You have hope, you just need the faith to accept it.

Screen Protection

What in the world has happened to our country? I have thought a lot, lately, about how everyone around us is offended over something all the time. When did this happen? I mean, seriously, I don't remember this being such a problem even just ten or twelve years ago!

I believe the source of our problem comes from the rise in social media platforms. Whether it's Facebook, Twitter or YouTube, it's inevitable that if you participate, you will eventually offend someone or will be offended yourself. It seems as though some are sitting behind a screen just waiting on someone to share something they disagree with.

When I began my cosmetology training back in 1981, one of the first points of study was a chapter called "Ethics". We were warned about not sharing our thoughts on many things in the shop for fear of offending someone. Politics and religion were at the top of the list. Inevitably, these subjects still come up in my shop occasionally, and as reasonable adults, we have some great conversations around those subjects, even when we disagree.

I honestly can't remember one time in my entire career that someone has reacted as though they were offended in my shop. I'm not saying they haven't actually been offended at some point, I'm just saying they haven't blown up and gotten in my face and acted like I am a terrible human for even thinking about having a different opinion than they do. Yet, here we are in 2018, and now we have to walk on eggshells all the time because of fear of causing a problem with a brother or sister, friend or neighbor.

The difference? We are fighting this war from behind a screen instead of face to face. Most people still wouldn't talk to their friends (or even a stranger, for that matter) in person the same way they will from behind a screen. 

The screen seems to protect us and at the same time provide some sort of power. We all have our own thoughts about things, and sometimes even while someone is talking with us face-to-face, a thought runs through our minds that something the other person said didn't 'sit well' with us. The difference, though, is that as the other person talks, we can see by their body language and mannerisms that they may not have meant what they said offensively. When talking through a screen we miss those cues, and the way we receive what's said is largely perceived through whatever our mood is for that day.

I posted what I thought was a funny pun a few years ago about a new piercing shop in town. I commented that we need that shop like we need another hole in our heads 😜. I never said I was against piercings, nor did I indicate that I discriminate against those who have them. I genuinely thought that what I was posting was an innocent play on words. I had no more than clicked "post" when I had an angry comment pop up from a former customer who began ranting about how she didn't appreciate me making fun of her "body art", and that I hang pictures on my walls for decoration, and she just likes to decorate her body in the same way. 

I have known this girl all of her life, and in turn, she has known me all her life as well. I had never been rude or hateful to her in the past. In fact, I treated her and her entire family with the utmost respect. Yet, she still read my post with the assumption that I was being rude and judgemental, and her reaction was to bring me down to size as though I was someone who was actually being rude and judgemental. She completely disregarded the good relationship we had always had prior to this one comment that apparently offended her.

I have several friends who have opposing views from mine concerning politics and others who practice a different religion than I do. I still call them friends because once we realized we stood on the opposite side of the fence from each other, we agreed we would not discuss the topic and we moved on. No one has gotten mad, no one has gotten offended and no one has unfriended anyone. We simply agree to disagree! (This is what adults do!)

Can you really imagine a world where everyone is alike, and we all have the same talents and same thoughts? We would all prefer the same foods and we would all share the same hairstyle and clothing style. Really think about that for a minute. Boring, huh?! We would only need one restaurant in town, one hairstylist, and one clothing shop! Imagine the waiting time!!

What makes us interested in each other is the fact that we do have individual thoughts, opinions, styles and preferences. We are all uniquely made! Being different makes us actually have to work at a relationship, and we all know nothing worthwhile is free! Working and investing into a relationship makes it more valuable to us. Relationships grow over the years, like a tree. The longer the relationship lasts and the more it is cultivated, the deeper the roots. I can't imagine why someone would cut down a longstanding, perfectly healthy tree just to show all the saplings how powerful they are with a chainsaw.

We are all different from one another, and that's okay! I always say my opinions and preferences are a culmination of my upbringing, my personality, my own life experiences,  and my convictions before God:

My upbringing-We are all trained and led by our parents, and this training plants seeds of thought in us that we often end up living out.

My personality-Our unique and individual personalities also dictate a lot of our opinions, as they shape how we see the world.

My personal experiences-As we travel through life, we encounter events that shape what we do and don't do from that experience forward, and we file them accordingly. These "files" add up over a lifetime and dictate a lot of our decisions.

My personal convictions-Our personal convictions in our hearts, put there by God Himself, are another reason some stay firm in their thinking.

No social media rant or tirade is going to uproot all those deep-seeded qualities in my heart or yours. All we are doing is destroying friendships that took years to build, and making ourselves look like a horse's behind in the process.

Go to a friend, someone you know who has offended you. Try asking them how you can be friends despite those differences, or maybe even because of them. Maybe you can set an example for others of how to truly love your friend, wholeheartedly and unselfishly letting go of your pride long enough to do so.

We are all in this together. Let it go and get along.

Romans 12:18 NIV

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Proverbs 17:14 NIV

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out

Philippians 4:5 NIV

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near

Dad to Three, Hero to Me

I am proud to say I am married to the World's Greatest Dad!

When Dave and I married 25 years ago, I knew he would be a good husband, but I really couldn't imagine what life with children would be like at that point. Then, just 2 and a half years later, we welcomed our first son.  Life as we knew it was forever changed!

During those newborn days, you sleep if and when you get a chance. Most babies are awake about every 2 hours for the first few weeks, and then several times a night for several months. Before having babies, I always envisioned being sound asleep and an alarm clock going off all throughout the night. I thought about having to wake up every couple of hours from a dead sleep and take care of a crying little person. I really dreaded that, as I am a "sleep diva". I don't function well with little or no sleep! God is merciful, though. It turns out, you never sleep that deeply again once you have a child, and you don't even have to think about it..you jump up to the task before your brain has even realized it's 3:00 a.m.!

Then there were the nights when the boys woke up sick...I mean really, really sick. Like, having to strip the bed, strip their clothes, start a load of laundry and put the baby in the tub at 3:00 a.m. kind of sick, sometimes multiple times in one night. On the flip side of that, we had a few nights where our sweet sons just felt good in the middle of the night and wanted to get up from bed and play at 3:00 a.m.!

As the boys got older, we had less of "those nights" and more of the "can't get them up in the morning" mornings! We were always scrambling around like crazy people trying to get out the door on time. We had clothes to iron, teeth to brush and hair to comb, making sure everyone was fed, had coats and shoes on and had whatever gear we needed for the day. We all piled in the van and backed out of the garage, and then often pulled back into the garage to retrieve the one thing we left behind. It was always a challenge to get out the door.

Once the boys were teens, we had to make difficult decisions about how much freedom to give and where to cut the strings of parenthood, allowing them the freedom they needed to become adults. They got jobs and girlfriends, and chose friends we didn't always know. They had cars and money of their own. They were beginning a life of decision-making and independence.

Now, we are 2/3 empty-nesting. Our house is very quiet now, compared to the previous 23 years. Two of our boys are on their own. We still have one left and are hanging on for dear life!!

It all has went really fast. I often think back to those years when our boys were young and how sweet those days were. One of the main reasons those years were so sweet was because of their dad. Even when I was pregnant, Dave leaned in at night and read Dr. Seuss books to my belly. When the babies were new, he was right there with me at the 3:00 a.m. feeding, bed-stripping, bath-giving, diaper-changing moments. Many times when I was about to my breaking point with exhaustion, he came in and sent me to bed and sat in the rocker with the baby.

Dave was the one carrying the baby around in a restaurant so I could eat. He was the one who drove up to the door at the grocery store so the baby and I didn't have to get wet in the rain. He was the one in the floor with them in the evenings, growling around on their bellies just to see them smile. He was also the one asleep on the couch with a baby on his chest.

When the boys played sports during their elementary school years, Dave was always their coach. When we had birthday parties for them, he was pouring drinks and handing out plates to the guests. When we finished dinner each evening, he spent time playing basketball in the driveway or football in the yard with the boys. He spent much of our yearly beach vacations playing in the pool or ocean with the boys.

 
 

He attended every game, play, concert and special event they had. He taught them how to tie a necktie and how to treat women with respect. When the boys were teens, he helped me know when to let them go and give them the freedom they needed to thrive. He was the voice of reason on what they were ready to handle and how far to let them go. Now that the two older boys are on their own, Dave spends many evenings and weekends helping them out with their cars and homes. He has taught them how to work on their cars and repair things around their houses.

As proud as I am of all these things, I'm most proud of the example Dave set for our boys of what a dad should be. He modeled hard work, unconditional love, sacrifice and what makes a man a "real" man. He showed them Jesus. He taught them to be honest and accountable. He gave them the gift of his time and attention..the most important things a dad can offer his sons. He freely hugged, encouraged, and lifted the boys up. He said 'I love you' often. He said 'I am proud of you' regularly. He still does. My boys have never known a time when they had to question their dad's love for them, and I am ever so thankful for that.

So when I say I'm married to the World's Greatest Dad, I know that my husband is a rare jewel of a dad. I am so thankful for him and the legacy he has created for my boys to someday follow once they are fathers themselves. He has given them the gift that keeps on giving for generations to come...a father's love, clothed in time, personal connection, and affection. When I look at my boys today, I'm proud to see a reflection of him shining through them. He's not just any dad..he's the greatest.

Being a Martha in a World Full of Marys

I always cringe when the pastor begins preaching about Martha and Mary. Mary is always made out to be the one who has it right, while poor ol’ Martha is missing all the blessings of hanging out with Jesus because she’s so busy cooking their dinner. I have one question for you: What are you going to serve Jesus for dinner if we are all hanging out, chit-chatting away instead of preparing a meal? That dinner ain’t gonna fix itself! As you can see, I’m a Martha. I have had many occasions that I have felt exactly as Martha felt the day Jesus came to visit her and her sister, Mary.

Luke 10:38-42 NIV

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I really do realize that when Jesus spoke to Martha about Mary showing her understanding of the “good part” by worshiping at His feet, He wanted Martha to know that us worshiping our Savior is by far more important to Him than anything else we can do with our time. If you had the choice to either sit in fellowship with Jesus Himself or to work away in the kitchen, you would probably say that sitting with Jesus is always going to be the better choice.

In day-to-day life, though, we rarely have to choose such a cut-and-dried matter as cooking dinner or sitting with Jesus. Often, our choices are more complex. For example, do we prepare dinner for our family or do we hang out on the couch and visit with them instead? 

If you are a Mary, you may say hang out in the couch, and in some cases, that is the right answer! What if your child is feeling bad and needs you to hold him to feel comforted? Then you forgo dinner for a bit and sit in the couch! What if your husband just returned from a six month deployment overseas? Again, sit down and enjoy having him there! But, what if your neighbor is in the hospital and his yard needs mowing? What if your child is a diabetic and needs to eat a healthy meal within a certain time frame? Those scenarios might prompt you to act like Martha and place work first, instead! As you can see, the answer depends on various circumstances. 

The real problem we face in a Mary or Martha situation usually comes down to selfishness. We aren’t always sitting at the feet of Jesus out of love like Mary was doing. Many of us want to sit on the couch because we enjoy not having to act. We want to relax and enjoy our lives at others’ expense, reaping the benefits of their hard work. We take the attitude of, “Why should we work if someone else will do it for us?”, or, “What’s in it for me?” Mary, however, wasn’t just hanging out with Jesus for her own selfish motives, unfairly leaving Martha to do all the work. She was worshiping Him. Worship is a sacrifice, an offering. Mary loved Jesus enough to shower Him with the gift of undivided love and attention.  

Martha loved Jesus too, but at that moment she was so focused on making dinner that she forgot to let love be her guiding force. Instead, she was irritated that Mary wasn’t helping out. When Jesus talked to her about it, He could see that Martha had it all wrong. Her motive for preparing Him a meal should have been love, not the recognition and justice that she seemed to desire. If Martha had acted in love, she would have not resented Mary for worshiping Jesus in that moment, and she herself could have also been in the spirit of worship as she cooked a meal for Jesus to enjoy. 

Proverbs 21:2-3

A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart. To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

Proverbs 21:25

The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work.

So, should you be a Martha or a Mary? When it comes down to it, we really need to decide what the most loving choice will be for the moment at hand. What needs are of utmost importance at that moment? We sure don’t want to miss out on life because we work right through it. But, if our motive in our work is love, doesn’t that honor God as well? He knows our hearts. He knows work needs to be done in order for us to live, but He wants us to have a loving attitude about it. He wants us to worship Him in all we do. That is the message I believe He wanted Martha to understand. Let your servanthood reflect love. Worship Him. Love Him, in spirit and in truth, and sit at His feet for a while.

John 4:24

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.

Please, Mr. Post-Man!

**DISCLAIMER** This post isn't written about anyone or anything In particular. I just often tend to see humor in human behavior, and since most of my blog posts are more serious, I thought I would lighten the mood tonight in an attempt to make you smile 😁 Enjoy and be inspired!

In the world of social media, we feel sort of anonymous, hidden behind a screen, sneaking a look into others' lives. It's like a legal and moral version of peeking through someone's windows! Does anyone my age remember Gladys Kravitz from the show Bewitched? Just think what she could have learned about poor Darrin and Samantha if she had only had Facebook back in the day!!

I always like to say I am not much into social media (or social anything, for that matter!). I'm waiting on anti-social media to hit the scene. That would be an introvert's haven, where we could all just look at everyone else without having to post anything ourselves! Wait..would that work?

In all reality, social media was intended to bring people together, but it often does just the opposite instead. I've actually had people get offended personally because I don't like and comment enough on their Facebook posts. One "friend" even unfriended me because of it! I've also been unfriended because of posting something innocent that someone else misconstrued. It always amazes me that people who know you very well personally seem to take your participation on social media more seriously as a test of your friendship than they do a real relationship with you!

For me personally, I find social media to be less fun than most others do. That's partly why I don't like and comment a lot. I'm not in there looking around very often, and when I am, I am searching for news and information. In many ways, using Facebook as a social outlet sort of exhausts me! I have a long list of pet peeves when it comes to reading social media posts:

1. Facebook (Unsolved) Mysteries: This occurs when someone gives you just a tidbit of information in hopes of getting your attention or curiosity stirred up. An example of a Facebook mystery is a sentence like this- "Just 3 more days. I don't think I can take anymore!" Take anymore what??? What's going to happen in 3 days??? Please, don't bother sharing if you aren't going to explain what that means! I need my sleep, and I can't be lying awake all night wondering what in the world is going to happen to you in 3 days. What if I die in my sleep and never know? I don't think I can take that!!

2. Not So Hidden Diaries: This is where you tell something that would normally be written into a secret diary, the kind where you hide it under your bed and swallow the key. I don't think I can repeat some of the hidden diary things I've read on social media. You've seen some yourself. You know them when you see them..and when you can't unsee them.

3. Fake Hacking: Picking up someone's unlocked phone and putting an embarassing quote on their timeline is NOT hacking. Hacking is when someone who knows how to take a computer apart and put it back together and it will actually still work afterwards sits down at his own computer in another country halfway across the world and opens up your Facebook account, only to be disappointed because all you have posted is Facebook mysteries that they can't figure out. Real hacking is a much bigger problem than leaving your phone unattended among friends. Maybe the act of fake hacking should be renamed something like "fakebooking".

4. Facebook Bulldogging: this is when someone goes to every post they disagree with and starts spouting out his or her opinion just to get a good controversy going. I'm pretty sure you aren't going to change anyone's mind about whatever you are debating to begin with, but I can assure you it won't happen by trying to strong-arm them into doing what you, sometimes as a complete stranger, think they should do. Bulldogging just makes you look like a bully..and a dog.

5. Fishlips, Ducklips, and Chickenlips. We just want to see your "real" face. If I see you in Wal-Mart, I don't want you to have to make that face in order for me to recognize you!

6. The Fickle Facebook Friend: these people are sending you a friend request one week, deleting you the next week, then sending you another request a week later. Sometimes this goes on for years! No explanation or particular reason, they just aren't sure if they really like you or not...today.

7. Facebook PAPs (Passive-aggressive posts): this is where you probably aren't even Facebook friends with someone but you go ahead and chew them out in Facebookland, hoping against hope that somehow it goes viral and they see it. These posts sound something like this- "I hate being lied to. You might think I don't know but I am smarter than you give me credit for! I am done!!" My response to that is 3-fold: first, if your target isn't on your friends list it's likely they'll never see your post, and if they do, they aren't even sure it's about them..which also leaves about 100 other people wondering if it IS about them!  Secondly, if they are on your friends list and you are that mad at them, why not just call them or even better, go see them (dare I say it?) in PERSON?!?! to discuss the matter at hand....privately. Thirdly, if you are truly done, then don't post a rant to them or about them..in that case you actually aren't really done at all. You are just beginning!

7 & 1/2: Using Facebook as a Weapon: This is 7 & 1/2 because it's basically a continuation of #7. One thing my boys always hated hearing me say when they were starting with social media in middle school is, "You will not use Facebook as a weapon!" Sadly, many actual adults still do just that! 

An example of that is shouting out insults to friends or family members by reposting memes and quotes in order to insult your enemy of the week, and to drum up support from the other drama seekers on Facebook. Posts like, "It's ok to let go of aluminum friends once you realize what gold is worth 😉", and then sit back and watch the comments come in.."Honey, you don't even need the gold friends! You are better than that! You're beautiful, you're awesome, you're smart, you're amazing..blah, blah, blah...",typically said by people who barely know you or wouldn't give you air if you were in a jug.  And, if you are truly all those things, you would be so busy being beautiful, awesome, smart, amazing, and blah, blah, blah that you wouldn't be wasting your time trying to win an invisible Facebook war with someone who probably has your profile hidden anyway.

A second example is intentionally shutting someone out just to show them you're the most powerful entity in the social media universe. The way to do this is to skip only their comments, but go overboard reacting to everyone else's. That'll get 'em! 

At the beginning of 7 & 1/2 I referred to my middle schoolers being sometimes guilty of Facebook war. That's where that silliness needs to be left once you enter the actual grown-up realm of society. 

8. Facebook Foul Mouths: I realize not everyone thinks of bad words as actually being a bad thing, but come on, people. If you would be appalled at hearing either your toddler or your pastor say it, then I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say it either..even on Facebook. It only makes you look bad..and social media's purpose is to display ourselves in a prettier light than the one in which we actually live. Pretty is as pretty does. That's pretty simple.

9. Catching a Virus: this is when someone holds up a cardboard sign, has a terribly sad expression on his or her face and posts a picture of themselves, creating a campaign stating something like, "I bet I can't get 1 gazillion shares before I fall in a well, break both my legs, get gangrene and die a slow, painful death." I'm pretty sure if I'm truly dying of gangrene, getting social media likes are going to be pretty far down on my to-do list, following more important things like taking antibiotics and drinking one last sweet tea.

10. Gross Posts: not everyone enjoys seeing stitches and bloody, gaping wounds. Correction: not everyone can handle seeing stitches and bloody, gaping wounds! I'm fairly sure you don't want to see a picture of me vomiting in the comments under your gaping wound photo. Which brings me to my next and final gross post peeve, please don't tell me you are vomiting or spending your day on the toilet. I reeeeaallyyy prefer to not picture you that way! The next time I run into you, I will immediately recapture that picture in my head. It's not a good look for you.

Basically, social media puts all of us on a stage in front of the world to be seen. We get to choose what we show of ourselves, and we really get to create whatever image we want people to see of us!  Our real goal here is to make more friends and be better liked by others. That doesn't mean we have to be fake, or make up stuff to puff ourselves up. It just means maybe we should highlight some of our better traits and downplay some of the less desirable ones, sort of like you would if writing a resume to a potential employer (or when trying on clothes in a dressing room!). Think of how the person on the other end is going to receive your posts.

I know employers who actually peek into your social media accounts before they decide to hire you (or not hire you!). As a mom, I have spied on many-a-girl over the years to assess whether or not my sons will be allowed to date them. It takes me less than five minutes to know a "no". You tell a lot about yourself by what you post and the spirit in which it's posted.

Think about what you post. Is it uplifting? Is it moral? Will people think better or worse of you once they see it? It matters. People notice. Strive to be a post poster-child for your social media posts. You'll feel better about your image, and so will everyone else 😉