R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Here is What it Means to Me

In light of Aretha Franklin's recent death, I have found myself thinking a lot about respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aretha said to find out what it means to me, so here goes!!

To respect is defined as admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Some synonyms of respect are esteem, admire, think highly of, hold in high regard, hold in (high) esteem, look up to, revere, reverence, and honor.

Respect is not a rite of passage...respect has to be earned. For example, it is difficult to truly respect rude, selfish people when they show no regard for anyone but themselves. It is also difficult to respect lazy people when others have to carry the load they refuse to carry. It's hard to respect liars, thieves, cheaters and troublemakers. 

It's hard to respect those who have no self-respect. Self-respect is defined as "pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity." When someone behaves in a dishonorable manner, it rarely elicits respect from others. If anything, respect that was previously established can be gone in seconds with a disrespectful attitude or action. 

Sometimes, respect has to be demanded. In these cases, you may have to walk away from someone because they refuse to treat you respectfully, or you may have to stand up to them and make it known you won't tolerate being treated disrespectfully. Either way, once someone believes they can treat you disrespectfully and you allow it to continue, chances are at that point they really have no respect for you at all, and probably never will. The only way to ever receive respect in this case is by demanding it. Standing up and demanding respect may actually cause them to have respect for you! Most people don't respect a pushover. If you draw a clear line and the other person still can't show you respect, you may have to walk away from that person. Walking away from someone who is disrespectful may actually cause you to have more respect for yourself, once you take the bull by the horns and think of yourself as a valuable person worthy of respect.

If you are prone to being disrespectful, you may not even realize that it is lowering your own chances of being respected yourself. People around you notice your words and attitude, and most are turned off pretty quickly by someone who likes to cut others down to size or make them appear "less-than". Disrespectful people try to appear confident and strong, but in reality they show weakness and insecurity in themselves. A confident and strong person realizes early on they are not in competition with anyone.

We have all been on both sides of the spectrum at one time or another. When I was young and inexperienced, I didn't realize "cute and sassy" or bossy behavior was, in reality, disrespect at it's finest. I also grew to realize that as a helpful, caring, decent person, I deserved to be treated as something of value myself. I have found that the more respect you have for yourself and the more respect you show others, the higher you are esteemed by others along the way. Its a win/win! 

A respectful person strives to admire the good qualities in others and lifts them up, encouraging them along the way. A person with self-respect wants to be seen as someone to be admired and looked up to, and they practice behaviors that result in just that. 

There are many ways to show respect, and few of them require much effort. You can show respect to someone by engaging in what they are saying to you, by opening a door for them or by motioning them in front of you in the Pal's line. You can mow your grass clippings onto your own yard rather than into the road or onto your neighbor's property, and you can show up at appointments or meetings on time, or at least call if you're running late. You can throw trash into a trashcan instead of throwing it into a parking lot or onto the road. Ironically, you can also earn respect by doing all these same things. 

Other ways to earn respect is to practice moral behavior (Titus 2:7-8 NIV). Be honest, be trustworthy, and be faithful (Proverbs 12:22 NIV). Work hard and don't complain (Colossians 3:23 NIV). Think of others before yourself (Romans 12:10 NIV), and treat others the way you would like to be treated (Matthew 7:12 NIV). 

It's pretty simple, R-E-A-L-L-Y. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me)..A little respect (just a little bit!) 😉

It's a Short Life After All

Portrait of Dad and Me

Looking back on life, I've known many sweet souls who have finished this race on earth and have gone on to eternity. I still think often of each of my grandparents, and I remember going through the final days with all of them.

At the time, from my younger perspective, I remember being at peace with the idea of death, especially when someone has been blessed to live so many years. What a blessing to get to raise your children, see them establish their own lives and families, and to have the privilege of living to old age.

Now, I'm watching as my dad faces his final days, weeks or months here in this life. For some reason, it doesn't feel so natural for someone to die this time. Don't get me wrong, my dad is a Christian. We have had many sweet conversations about his faith and I know he will be in Heaven, so in that way I will be thankful when his suffering here is over!

I hope it's a long while before the cancer my dad is fighting gets the better of him, but realistically, he has already outlived the typical lifespan after diagnosis. Most make it 3 to 6 months with pancreatic cancer. Dad was diagnosed 10 months ago. Every day is bonus time.

The hardest part about this impending transition from earth to Heaven is the fact that my dad doesn't feel finished here. He says all the time, "I'm ready to go, but I'm just not ready to go." I think it would be easier if he was tired and wanted to go, but it breaks my heart that he still wants so desperately to live.

Life is just so, so fast. I remember as a child trying to imagine being an adult. I imagined being married and having kids, and that seemed so far away at the time. Now, here I am, all that accomplished and heading quickly toward retirement age myself, and the thoughts of dreaming about my future when I was a child still don't seem that long ago. I think about the times that my grandparents died, my parents were around my age now, and like a flash of lightening, here I am in those same shoes. Just as quickly, my kids will stand here too. Life is so fast.

I asked Dad one day to imagine he didn't know his actual age, and if he didn't know, how old he feels like He should be. He is 81 in actual years, but when he thought about it, he said he feels around 60. I am 52, and when I think how old I feel like I should be, I feel around 30. It's not like we actually feel physically like we did at those younger ages, it's that the mind can't comprehend that those years have passed and that we actually are that old. It doesn't seem possible that so much of our lives is spent, gone away and never to be had again.

I was having this discussion with a customer last week. She was saying she always thought if we get to live into our 80s we are blessed. I agree, we are! But when you are the one facing death in your 80s and you only feel 60, you feel sort of cheated. You feel like there's more life to be had, more things you want to do, more things you want to experience.

I have noticed that Dad's mindset hasn't changed, despite his failing body. He still knows how to do things and he still has a desire to do them, but his body won't allow him to do much anymore. He feels useless and frustrated. He tries so hard to keep going and to still do what he can, but there's so much he just can't do anymore. He has days when the thought of his looming death seems to haunt him. I see him feeling depressed and sad much of the time...contrary to his usual witty, energetic self. When he does have a good day, we make the most of it.

Life is just so, so fast. Slow down, enjoy every minute. Even the bad times don't last forever. Focus on the blessings you have right in front of you at this minute. Thank God for blessings you had, the blessings you have and the blessings you will have. All are sweet, and all are fleeting.

Thank God for His promise that those of us who accept Him in our hearts will be together in eternity forever. No more cancer, no more sadness, no more fear. Knowing this in my heart is all that keeps me going. I thank God for this hope of Heaven.

If you or someone you love is suffering tonight and you don't have this promise, please don't wait. Call on Jesus. This crazy place is a trial run..a big, ol', sometimes cruddy, sometimes wonderful, trial run. This is not all there is! Make sure your salvation is firmly rooted in Christ. Speak to those you love about Him. Make sure when you stand in these shoes that you know it's not goodbye forever. You don't have long. Life is so, so fast.

Romans 10:9
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Revelation 21:1-7

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them.They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

I Wish I Had Your Eyes!

One of my favorite things to say to Dave is, "I wish I had your eyes!"  That typically follows an event like him digging through a drawer, convinced that the pen he is searching for isn't there, leaving me to walk up, reach to the left corner of the drawer just under the notepads and beside the super glue and pull out the pen..without even having to look.

Or, it may be as he carries a no-bake cookie across the room, crumbs falling as he takes bites out of it, asking, "What?!" As I look at him disapprovingly because of the trail he leaves behind...that I will have to clean up, and that he is completely oblivious about! Yes. I wish I had those eyes! It's amazing what we don't see when we aren't looking!

We are all guilty of seeing life only through the lenses of our own eyes. We get up each day and go about our business, asking ourselves things like, "What do I want to eat today?" or , "How much time do I need to get this done?" We may think, "I hate that color of blue!" or, "I'm too tired to workout today." Basically, our thoughts tend to center around us..what we want, what we like, how we feel. We can't help it, really. We were born selfish.

Psalm 51:5 NIV 
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

It's through our own eyes that we filter nearly every word or act before us. Think about the last time you were frustrated over a project or task gone-wrong. As you were in the middle of trying to get the thing back into order, imagine your wife comes in and announces she just wrecked the car. She apologizes, and even cries a little in the process. How many times do we get angry in a situation like this? Lots of times!! We perceive those kinds of events as a personal attack. You might think thoughts like, "I've told her about that curve in the road...she should have driven slower around it! She knows I'm already having a bad day! Just dry up the tears..I'm the one who should be crying!!"

I know I have done that sort of thinking quite often. It's so tempting to see only through our own lenses, forgetting that the other person may be feeling even worse than we are in that moment. Maybe the woman in this scenario has been under extreme stress at work. Maybe she was just in a hurry to get home. Either way, most don't wreck a car on purpose.

Although this is a fictitious account between a husband and wife, how often does this illustrate how we deal with others, even (or maybe especially!) the ones we love the most? How often do we feel like the other person was neglecting our feelings or just straight out abused our feelings?

Looking through our own lenses causes us to get hurt or mad at what someone says because we think they were throwing an insult at us, when maybe the words being said had nothing to do with us at all. It causes us to get frustrated at the person in front of us at the grocery store because they don't notice us trying to get through the aisle they are blocking. It causes us to block the aisle ourselves because we need a certain kind of potato chips that we can't readily find! It is dangerous to live life only looking through our own eyes. When we do, we dishonor God Himself. He teaches us to think of our brothers and sisters and to have compassion and empathy for them.

Philippians 2:1-4
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 

When you close this page and go about your day, I hope you'll be inspired to lay down your lenses for a while. Put on a new pair...someone else's might be good. See what you see when you really take time to look. Maybe someone else will see your love and compassion for others and will say to you, "I wish I had your eyes!"