The Day that Changed Us

This is a picture of the day that changed my life. I remember that day well. In fact, just a few years ago, I went into my childhood home where, like watching a scene from an old video reel, I remembered seeing the look on my mom's face as she took the call from the wall phone in the kitchen doorway. Someone from the bakery called to say my dad had been in a wreck. I was 9 years old at the time, so I didn't really totally understand what was going on, but I knew whatever it was, it was bad.  I just remember asking Mom,  "Did Dad die?"

My dad left for work that morning and didn't come home for months. He left that morning able to mow the yard, play ball with us, push us on the swings, all the normal things dads do. By the time he came home several months later, it was just a day-to-day struggle to survive. 

The newspaper writer said in the article that Dad was expected to make a full recovery. What he didn't know was the life long implications of the injuries he sustained. He had a broken back, 7 broken ribs, a collapsed lung, broken nose, and his left leg was crushed into fragments from mid-thigh to below the knee. I remember when they talked about putting dad in a full body cast because his injuries were so vast. Thankfully, they were able to treat him without that being the case. 

I remember feeling so sad for him when I went in to see him and saw his leg hanging from the metal contraption they had hanging from the ceiling. He had rods going through the bones in his leg that were connected by rods on the outside that were holding his leg up in traction. My dad was naturally a slender man, but during that time he became gaunt and frail, much more than his normal 39 year old self had ever been. 

Those first few days were only the beginning of how the wreck would change the course of the rest of all of our lives. Over the following years, dad would have nearly 30 pulmonary embolisms and commonly dealt with blood clots throughout his body due to poor circulation from his injuries. In one of his numerous surgeries after the wreck, he had a stimulator implanted into his back to control chronic pain and that metal box was there for the rest of his life. They removed much of the bone fragments in his left leg and fused what remained together. That shortened his left leg by 2 and 1/2 inches, which resulted and a severe limp. Over the years, his spine curved to compensate. 

Eventually the circulation issues led to 5 heart attacks and a stroke. Even in the last couple of years of his life he fought cellulitis in his left leg that was difficult to heal because of the lack of circulation. His left foot stayed swollen and sore most of the time.

Although dad suffered the rest of his life due to the impact of that day, so did the rest of the family. I remember many calls where Mom got up in the middle of the night to run to the hospital because Dad had fallen into a critical state again. Some of those nights, we had to go along because Mom was afraid she might not be back for a while. 

We practically grew up in hospital waiting rooms, eating out of the vending machines and mining for lost coins underneath the machines and in the coin return slots was what we did for fun!  We slept many nights on the vinyl and metal chairs in the waiting room at Indian Path Hospital and then went to school the next morning. I was often tardy or even absent from school altogether, putting me behind on my schoolwork a lot of the time. I missed 19 days of school that year.

All of those things are part of who I am today. With regular hospital stays, visits to Duke for specialized treatment and Mom having to tend to Dad when he was home in between events, we all learned very quickly that it wasn't about us. We learned to do for ourselves and to depend on each other. We managed our own homework, and all of us actually got good grades despite the rollercoaster we were on most days. We learned to cook our own meals too. We learned humility as we punched our free lunch card in the school cafeteria line due to Dad no longer being able to work. We learned to do without a lot during those days. Expensive name brands and having the latest/greatest still doesn't impress me to this day!

We definitely had more stress than children should have to go through, but that fateful day changed a lot of things for the good for us as well. What a lot of people didn't know at the time was, when my dad wrecked, he and Mom were in the process of a divorce. Dad had moved out, and the paperwork to finalize things would have come up in only a few days. This is where I can't help but think of the phrase I have so often heard: "But God."

Even through all the hard times, God was giving us the blessing of a simple life. As we all became comfortable with our new normal, we had many blessings that most kids will never experience. My dad was home when we got off the school bus in the afternoons. When he was able to cook, he cooked a southern feast of soup beans, cornbread, fried potatoes and homemade pineapple upside-down cake for dessert! We sat outside, swinging in the porch swing in the evenings. A few times when Mom was at the beauty shop, he played Atari with us, scrambling to get up and move before Mom caught him when she pulled into the garage! He sang with us songs I will never, ever forget. Froggy Went A-Courtin' and Let Us Have a Little Talk with Jesus were a couple of his favorites. We watched Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, The Jeffersons and Gunsmoke while Dad popped popcorn in the fireplace. We had homemade Easter baskets every year, and stockings filled with candy and fruit. We always had a watermelon, Dad's favorite, on the 4th of July. We were never short on laughter when Dad was around with his quick wit and sense of humor.

As tragic as my dad's wreck was, that day had a powerful impact on our futures from then on. I often find myself thinking back to that day, wondering how different life would have been had it not happened. My parents would have likely been divorced, as young as they were would have probably remarried, and I would have had an entirely different life. One thing I know for sure: Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. As I watched my parents' dying days unravel, one thing that carried us all through was the knowledge of how deeply they loved and needed each other. 

I have always been aware that I think differently than a lot of people. A big part of my mindset was shaped that day. Even as a small child, I became acutely aware of how short life is, and how fast it can change. It taught me to never take a second for granted and to always try to treat people as though it might be the last time you see them, because you never know when that person walks out the door if that will be the last time you'll see them. It made me extremely loyal to those I love, and it made me learn to put their needs before my own. 

Those tough years, with Mom and Dad's marital problems before the wreck and Dad's health problems after, made me savor the "good days"-the days with no fussing and fighting and no pain and suffering- and soak them in, a feeling I still crave today. Just normal, ordinary days that are more precious than anything money can ever buy. That's all I needed then and that's all I strive for today- a simple life full of true blessings, the ones you can see so clearly when they are nearly taken away. What a wonderful thing it would be if we could understand that without the pain of the lesson first.

Article printed in the Bristol Herald Courier

Article printed in the Kingsport Times News

   Some homemade cards I made for Dad

Just off the plane, returning from another procedure at Duke

Dad arriving at Tri-Cities Airport  from Duke. The box attached to his belt was the control to the stimulator they implanted into his back

It's a Short Life After All

Portrait of Dad and Me

Looking back on life, I've known many sweet souls who have finished this race on earth and have gone on to eternity. I still think often of each of my grandparents, and I remember going through the final days with all of them.

At the time, from my younger perspective, I remember being at peace with the idea of death, especially when someone has been blessed to live so many years. What a blessing to get to raise your children, see them establish their own lives and families, and to have the privilege of living to old age.

Now, I'm watching as my dad faces his final days, weeks or months here in this life. For some reason, it doesn't feel so natural for someone to die this time. Don't get me wrong, my dad is a Christian. We have had many sweet conversations about his faith and I know he will be in Heaven, so in that way I will be thankful when his suffering here is over!

I hope it's a long while before the cancer my dad is fighting gets the better of him, but realistically, he has already outlived the typical lifespan after diagnosis. Most make it 3 to 6 months with pancreatic cancer. Dad was diagnosed 10 months ago. Every day is bonus time.

The hardest part about this impending transition from earth to Heaven is the fact that my dad doesn't feel finished here. He says all the time, "I'm ready to go, but I'm just not ready to go." I think it would be easier if he was tired and wanted to go, but it breaks my heart that he still wants so desperately to live.

Life is just so, so fast. I remember as a child trying to imagine being an adult. I imagined being married and having kids, and that seemed so far away at the time. Now, here I am, all that accomplished and heading quickly toward retirement age myself, and the thoughts of dreaming about my future when I was a child still don't seem that long ago. I think about the times that my grandparents died, my parents were around my age now, and like a flash of lightening, here I am in those same shoes. Just as quickly, my kids will stand here too. Life is so fast.

I asked Dad one day to imagine he didn't know his actual age, and if he didn't know, how old he feels like He should be. He is 81 in actual years, but when he thought about it, he said he feels around 60. I am 52, and when I think how old I feel like I should be, I feel around 30. It's not like we actually feel physically like we did at those younger ages, it's that the mind can't comprehend that those years have passed and that we actually are that old. It doesn't seem possible that so much of our lives is spent, gone away and never to be had again.

I was having this discussion with a customer last week. She was saying she always thought if we get to live into our 80s we are blessed. I agree, we are! But when you are the one facing death in your 80s and you only feel 60, you feel sort of cheated. You feel like there's more life to be had, more things you want to do, more things you want to experience.

I have noticed that Dad's mindset hasn't changed, despite his failing body. He still knows how to do things and he still has a desire to do them, but his body won't allow him to do much anymore. He feels useless and frustrated. He tries so hard to keep going and to still do what he can, but there's so much he just can't do anymore. He has days when the thought of his looming death seems to haunt him. I see him feeling depressed and sad much of the time...contrary to his usual witty, energetic self. When he does have a good day, we make the most of it.

Life is just so, so fast. Slow down, enjoy every minute. Even the bad times don't last forever. Focus on the blessings you have right in front of you at this minute. Thank God for blessings you had, the blessings you have and the blessings you will have. All are sweet, and all are fleeting.

Thank God for His promise that those of us who accept Him in our hearts will be together in eternity forever. No more cancer, no more sadness, no more fear. Knowing this in my heart is all that keeps me going. I thank God for this hope of Heaven.

If you or someone you love is suffering tonight and you don't have this promise, please don't wait. Call on Jesus. This crazy place is a trial run..a big, ol', sometimes cruddy, sometimes wonderful, trial run. This is not all there is! Make sure your salvation is firmly rooted in Christ. Speak to those you love about Him. Make sure when you stand in these shoes that you know it's not goodbye forever. You don't have long. Life is so, so fast.

Romans 10:9
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Revelation 21:1-7

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them.They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Hoping Against Hope in a Hopeless World

What happens when we lose hope? I believe we are looking at it.

School shootings, terrorist attacks, home invasions, sex trafficking, drug addiction..the list goes on and on. All of these things seem to be more "normal" as time moves forward. We are rarely even shocked to read them in the headlines anymore.

These things have all taken place since the beginning of time, but there's no doubt the pendulum has swung further toward them in recent years. What has changed? I believe we have lost hope.

When I was a child, we had regular assemblies at school, often led by missionaries or pastors. Where I grew up, the majority of the people in my community were Christian, so no one had a problem with a religion-based program. As a regular Sunday School attendee, most of what was sung about or talked about in these programs was very familiar to me.

I've thought back in recent years, however, about the small percentage of children in my school who weren't involved in church and who may not have had a Christian upbringing. I'm going to guess maybe 15-20% of the school population may have fit into this category. Of these kids, how many may have heard The Good News of hope in Christ through one of these programs, where they may have never heard it otherwise?

Maybe small seeds were planted, prompting a few kids to ask their parents about God. Maybe the little New Testaments they handed out were open and studied. Maybe the child's interest in Who God is prompted the parents to get back into church. Maybe only 1 or 2% of those kids heard something in those programs that spoke to their hearts, but wasn't it still worth it, even if only a couple of souls were saved? 

How many of those children realized for the first time in their lives that we have hope, that this crazy world and all it's hurt is not all we have to look forward to? We will never really know the numbers, but it's evident that our moral decline correlates with the removal of God from our society. 

Those types of assemblies would start a riot in today's time. CNN would blast it on the air and people from around the world would jump in to comment on how unfair and offensive it is to other religions. We are now in a time where God can't even be publicly mentioned without someone being offended. We can't call a Christmas party a Christmas party, it's now a holiday party instead. Store employees are forbidden to say, "Merry Christmas!" We can't collectively pray at the opening of a ballgame at our schools. Teachers aren't allowed to even tell a student they will pray for them for fear of losing their jobs. God has been removed from many things already, and there is still a push to have His name removed from our currency and our courtroom walls. 

A world without hope is a scary place. If this is all there is, we are in trouble. If life is merely survival, and then our bodies and are left to decay in a grave, it's no wonder so many people are trying to escape through drugs and alcohol. If this is all there is, it's understandable why so much suicide is grabbing the headlines, even of people who seem to have it all. If this is all there is, why care about anything or anyone but ourselves. If it's all going to end anyway, just enjoy whatever you want and get it however you can and don't worry about the end result. Just live for today and figure out tomorrow tomorrow.  If this is all there is, what's the point in caring about anything? 

Hope tells us to hang in there. Hope tells us there's more to the story! God encourages us to look toward Heaven and to have hope in Him! 

Psalm 42:11

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life

Hope in Christ is the only hope we have. If He is real, then He is in control of all the details of our lives and He works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). If He is real, then this crazy planet is not our home (Hebrews 13:14). He is preparing us a place in Heaven, where we will never again hurt or suffer (John 14:3). If He is real, then our time here is temporary..a trial run..and our eternity will be spent in Heaven (2 Corinthians 4:18). If He is real, we have hope (Isaiah 40:31).

None of us have met with God face to face. None of us know for a fact He is real. Our faith comes from hope, and our hope comes from faith. We have to start by believing The Bible is The Word of God Himself, and from that basis we develop a relationship with Him through faith. Once you trust in Him, He reveals Himself to your heart..you just know He is real. He shows Himself through answered prayer, many times through miracles that no one can explain. He shows Himself through the peace in our hearts, even when it seems like hope should be gone. 

There is hope. You have nothing in this temporary world to lose if you accept that. Trust Him. Ask Him. Follow Him. You have everything to gain if you do. You have hope, you just need the faith to accept it.