It took me until my fifties to understand how to be me...understanding who I really am if I weren't influenced by others. I have often heard it said that where we grow is outside of our comfort zone. That is certainly true at times, but once you've ventured out of your comfort zone and tried something over and over and discovered it's not right for you, is it really growth to keep pushing yourself to do it to please the majority? Is it worth making yourself miserable over and over again just to be liked and accepted by others? Is it worth wasting that time, when all the while, your real calling is wasting away on a shelf?
One of the things that drives me the craziest about our culture that we currently live in is the "sheep mentality". For the sake of fitting in, people will literally get out and march in the streets to promote immorality, destruction of human life and all kinds of popular thinking, even if in their hearts they don't believe or truly understand what they are spouting. Popularity and vanity are more important than Truth or morality these days! What happened to people being strong enough to stand on something of their own?
We are all more sheepish than we even realize. Even on a small scale, we will follow everyone else without even being aware of what we are doing. Think of some common slang terms you hear these days. Who starts them? Who says them the first time, and how does that turn into people all over the country repeating them? Sheep! People just keep repeating what they hear everyone else say, sometimes not even knowing where it came from or what it even means.
One of the most recent and popular examples I can think of is the excessive use of the word "right" as a question at the end of a sentence or phrase. Suddenly, one sentence can have the word "right" in it five or six times! "So I was walking down the street right? And I look over and there's this guy I know, right? And I walk over and he's looking at me like he knows me too, right??" I've even heard deejays, anchormen and pastors do it (and I can't help but count how many "rights" they use as they talk 😂). I have to say it: "If using right that many times is right, I don't want to be right, right?!"
Another new one that always makes me laugh is, "What's a good name?", and "What's a good number?" when putting my name on a list at a restaurant or asking for a return call from a business. That always provokes all kinds of funny replies I could give if I wanted to blow their minds or make them question their realities! Why would I give them a bad name or number? And is whether or not my name and number are good or bad subjective to the person asking 🤔?
And what about the new "uh" at the end of a word? For example, "You look so cute-uh!" or "Stop it-uh!" Another recent example of something more tangible is the big Stanley cup craze. People went nuts trying to buy one for way more money than anyone should ever pay for a cup!! It's still just a CUP!! And don't even get me started about the amount of eyebrow notches I'm seeing lately, all because a cool actor actually had a real scar in his eyebrow that he more than likely hated for many years before he became famous and it became his trademark.
I just don't get it. What is wrong with our society that we don't feel comfortable being us, being the individuals we were created to be? What is wrong with our culture that we feel we have to fit into a certain box to be popular? Why do we feel we have to follow the majority or copy others to be accepted and relevant?
I recently read this quote about some reasons we may copy those around us: "Copying others can be a way to avoid making creative decisions, and it can mean ignoring something God has in store for you." Wow. That is convicting! What are we missing and cheating ourselves out of by trying to fit into the flock?
Isn't it so much easier to blend in with the herd than to stand alone? Isn't it so much more comfortable and safe? But what if in doing that you are missing real growth, the true growth that God intends for you, because you're living your life on the treadmill of trying to fit into the box that others have built for you, meanwhile ignoring what God has already equipped you to do?
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect".
I feel like we are the most conformable society in history, largely driven by social media. "Buy this!", "Do that!", "Say such-and-such!" Social media influencers are doing just that..influencing us in all directions, and we take the bait because we want to fit in and be accepted by those we want to be close to or impress. In the end, no matter who tells you what's cool, they'll be gone next year and someone else will replace them with the next big thing. The cycle never ends, and you'll never keep up.
It took me a long time and a lot of trying to fit in, but I finally learned it's okay to just be "me". I wasn't meant to be like everyone else, and neither were you! I now search for ways to use the intended personality, time, energy and talents that God has given me for His glory. I've stopped allowing myself to get sucked into places where my time and energy are wasted and depleted. I have stopped worrying about what the person asking might think of me if I decline to participate. God made me, I'm pretty sure He has a job for me that's well within my skill set, and I'm pretty sure He gave me the personality and qualities I have exactly on purpose.
The older I get, the more I understand my hardwiring, my gifts, and my talents, and how and where to use them. Sometimes within those particular areas, I am stretched way out of my comfort zone, but in a good way...a way that makes me even better at what I'm already called to do. If I can shut out the voices that tell me I need to be something different, that I should like something different, or should choose something different, I'll find the fertile soil that I will grow in, and in turn, will land in the place where I can better serve my Father.
My message today is especially to young people. You're still learning who you are, what your God-given talents and skills are, and what you are already pre-wired to be. It's good to try new things to find what you are naturally good at doing and what fills your cup. Once you start learning who you are, it's okay to find your niche and stick to it, even if it isn't the going thing for everyone else! Hone your skills in that area, and pray for The Lord to put opportunities in your path to use your skills.
On your journey, absolutely step outside of your comfort zone and take some chances, but as you do, pay attention to what works and what doesn't work for you. What is growing you?? Question your motives behind signing up for things that maybe you don't enjoy or are not naturally gifted at doing. Is your motive God-centered service? Working hard just to please or impress others, or to fit in, isn't what He desires for us. If you are seeking acceptance or recognition from others through those works, it's all in vain. God is interested in our motives being centered on Him. He is interested in our hearts more than our works. He wants you to use the actual gifts He blessed you with, and He wants you to grow closer to Him through them. Sure, we may sometimes find ourselves serving outside of our natural gifts as well, but in doing so, it should be to honor Him, not to please someone else by saying yes.
Once you find your gifts, push it to the limit! Keep challenging yourself and keep growing, because that's where God wants to use you, and He wants you to do your best at what He put you here to do! Learn to listen for His voice. There are times He calls us to do something totally out of the blue, something we don't feel equipped to do, even within the talents we possess. Pray for discernment, and ask Him to guide you to where He wants you to use your gifts and talents, and to be with you and give you what you need as you stretch them.
As you grow, don't be tempted to conform to the world. Become comfortable standing out from the flock! Be confident in who you are outside of the herd. Don't be afraid to be the one black sheep in a field of white ones. He made you special for a reason and He is the only one worth impressing. He's the only influencer we need! Right😉?
Psalm 139:13-14
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
