What in the world has happened to our country? I have thought a lot, lately, about how everyone around us is offended over something all the time. When did this happen? I mean, seriously, I don't remember this being such a problem even just ten or twelve years ago!
I believe the source of our problem comes from the rise in social media platforms. Whether it's Facebook, Twitter or YouTube, it's inevitable that if you participate, you will eventually offend someone or will be offended yourself. It seems as though some are sitting behind a screen just waiting on someone to share something they disagree with.
When I began my cosmetology training back in 1981, one of the first points of study was a chapter called "Ethics". We were warned about not sharing our thoughts on many things in the shop for fear of offending someone. Politics and religion were at the top of the list. Inevitably, these subjects still come up in my shop occasionally, and as reasonable adults, we have some great conversations around those subjects, even when we disagree.
I honestly can't remember one time in my entire career that someone has reacted as though they were offended in my shop. I'm not saying they haven't actually been offended at some point, I'm just saying they haven't blown up and gotten in my face and acted like I am a terrible human for even thinking about having a different opinion than they do. Yet, here we are in 2018, and now we have to walk on eggshells all the time because of fear of causing a problem with a brother or sister, friend or neighbor.
The difference? We are fighting this war from behind a screen instead of face to face. Most people still wouldn't talk to their friends (or even a stranger, for that matter) in person the same way they will from behind a screen.
The screen seems to protect us and at the same time provide some sort of power. We all have our own thoughts about things, and sometimes even while someone is talking with us face-to-face, a thought runs through our minds that something the other person said didn't 'sit well' with us. The difference, though, is that as the other person talks, we can see by their body language and mannerisms that they may not have meant what they said offensively. When talking through a screen we miss those cues, and the way we receive what's said is largely perceived through whatever our mood is for that day.
I posted what I thought was a funny pun a few years ago about a new piercing shop in town. I commented that we need that shop like we need another hole in our heads 😜. I never said I was against piercings, nor did I indicate that I discriminate against those who have them. I genuinely thought that what I was posting was an innocent play on words. I had no more than clicked "post" when I had an angry comment pop up from a former customer who began ranting about how she didn't appreciate me making fun of her "body art", and that I hang pictures on my walls for decoration, and she just likes to decorate her body in the same way.
The screen seems to protect us and at the same time provide some sort of power. We all have our own thoughts about things, and sometimes even while someone is talking with us face-to-face, a thought runs through our minds that something the other person said didn't 'sit well' with us. The difference, though, is that as the other person talks, we can see by their body language and mannerisms that they may not have meant what they said offensively. When talking through a screen we miss those cues, and the way we receive what's said is largely perceived through whatever our mood is for that day.
I posted what I thought was a funny pun a few years ago about a new piercing shop in town. I commented that we need that shop like we need another hole in our heads 😜. I never said I was against piercings, nor did I indicate that I discriminate against those who have them. I genuinely thought that what I was posting was an innocent play on words. I had no more than clicked "post" when I had an angry comment pop up from a former customer who began ranting about how she didn't appreciate me making fun of her "body art", and that I hang pictures on my walls for decoration, and she just likes to decorate her body in the same way.
I have known this girl all of her life, and in turn, she has known me all her life as well. I had never been rude or hateful to her in the past. In fact, I treated her and her entire family with the utmost respect. Yet, she still read my post with the assumption that I was being rude and judgemental, and her reaction was to bring me down to size as though I was someone who was actually being rude and judgemental. She completely disregarded the good relationship we had always had prior to this one comment that apparently offended her.
I have several friends who have opposing views from mine concerning politics and others who practice a different religion than I do. I still call them friends because once we realized we stood on the opposite side of the fence from each other, we agreed we would not discuss the topic and we moved on. No one has gotten mad, no one has gotten offended and no one has unfriended anyone. We simply agree to disagree! (This is what adults do!)
Can you really imagine a world where everyone is alike, and we all have the same talents and same thoughts? We would all prefer the same foods and we would all share the same hairstyle and clothing style. Really think about that for a minute. Boring, huh?! We would only need one restaurant in town, one hairstylist, and one clothing shop! Imagine the waiting time!!
What makes us interested in each other is the fact that we do have individual thoughts, opinions, styles and preferences. We are all uniquely made! Being different makes us actually have to work at a relationship, and we all know nothing worthwhile is free! Working and investing into a relationship makes it more valuable to us. Relationships grow over the years, like a tree. The longer the relationship lasts and the more it is cultivated, the deeper the roots. I can't imagine why someone would cut down a longstanding, perfectly healthy tree just to show all the saplings how powerful they are with a chainsaw.
We are all different from one another, and that's okay! I always say my opinions and preferences are a culmination of my upbringing, my personality, my own life experiences, and my convictions before God:
My upbringing-We are all trained and led by our parents, and this training plants seeds of thought in us that we often end up living out.
My personality-Our unique and individual personalities also dictate a lot of our opinions, as they shape how we see the world.
My personal experiences-As we travel through life, we encounter events that shape what we do and don't do from that experience forward, and we file them accordingly. These "files" add up over a lifetime and dictate a lot of our decisions.
My personal convictions-Our personal convictions in our hearts, put there by God Himself, are another reason some stay firm in their thinking.
No social media rant or tirade is going to uproot all those deep-seeded qualities in my heart or yours. All we are doing is destroying friendships that took years to build, and making ourselves look like a horse's behind in the process.
Go to a friend, someone you know who has offended you. Try asking them how you can be friends despite those differences, or maybe even because of them. Maybe you can set an example for others of how to truly love your friend, wholeheartedly and unselfishly letting go of your pride long enough to do so.
We are all in this together. Let it go and get along.
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near
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