Dad to Three, Hero to Me

I am proud to say I am married to the World's Greatest Dad!

When Dave and I married 25 years ago, I knew he would be a good husband, but I really couldn't imagine what life with children would be like at that point. Then, just 2 and a half years later, we welcomed our first son.  Life as we knew it was forever changed!

During those newborn days, you sleep if and when you get a chance. Most babies are awake about every 2 hours for the first few weeks, and then several times a night for several months. Before having babies, I always envisioned being sound asleep and an alarm clock going off all throughout the night. I thought about having to wake up every couple of hours from a dead sleep and take care of a crying little person. I really dreaded that, as I am a "sleep diva". I don't function well with little or no sleep! God is merciful, though. It turns out, you never sleep that deeply again once you have a child, and you don't even have to think about it..you jump up to the task before your brain has even realized it's 3:00 a.m.!

Then there were the nights when the boys woke up sick...I mean really, really sick. Like, having to strip the bed, strip their clothes, start a load of laundry and put the baby in the tub at 3:00 a.m. kind of sick, sometimes multiple times in one night. On the flip side of that, we had a few nights where our sweet sons just felt good in the middle of the night and wanted to get up from bed and play at 3:00 a.m.!

As the boys got older, we had less of "those nights" and more of the "can't get them up in the morning" mornings! We were always scrambling around like crazy people trying to get out the door on time. We had clothes to iron, teeth to brush and hair to comb, making sure everyone was fed, had coats and shoes on and had whatever gear we needed for the day. We all piled in the van and backed out of the garage, and then often pulled back into the garage to retrieve the one thing we left behind. It was always a challenge to get out the door.

Once the boys were teens, we had to make difficult decisions about how much freedom to give and where to cut the strings of parenthood, allowing them the freedom they needed to become adults. They got jobs and girlfriends, and chose friends we didn't always know. They had cars and money of their own. They were beginning a life of decision-making and independence.

Now, we are 2/3 empty-nesting. Our house is very quiet now, compared to the previous 23 years. Two of our boys are on their own. We still have one left and are hanging on for dear life!!

It all has went really fast. I often think back to those years when our boys were young and how sweet those days were. One of the main reasons those years were so sweet was because of their dad. Even when I was pregnant, Dave leaned in at night and read Dr. Seuss books to my belly. When the babies were new, he was right there with me at the 3:00 a.m. feeding, bed-stripping, bath-giving, diaper-changing moments. Many times when I was about to my breaking point with exhaustion, he came in and sent me to bed and sat in the rocker with the baby.

Dave was the one carrying the baby around in a restaurant so I could eat. He was the one who drove up to the door at the grocery store so the baby and I didn't have to get wet in the rain. He was the one in the floor with them in the evenings, growling around on their bellies just to see them smile. He was also the one asleep on the couch with a baby on his chest.

When the boys played sports during their elementary school years, Dave was always their coach. When we had birthday parties for them, he was pouring drinks and handing out plates to the guests. When we finished dinner each evening, he spent time playing basketball in the driveway or football in the yard with the boys. He spent much of our yearly beach vacations playing in the pool or ocean with the boys.

 
 

He attended every game, play, concert and special event they had. He taught them how to tie a necktie and how to treat women with respect. When the boys were teens, he helped me know when to let them go and give them the freedom they needed to thrive. He was the voice of reason on what they were ready to handle and how far to let them go. Now that the two older boys are on their own, Dave spends many evenings and weekends helping them out with their cars and homes. He has taught them how to work on their cars and repair things around their houses.

As proud as I am of all these things, I'm most proud of the example Dave set for our boys of what a dad should be. He modeled hard work, unconditional love, sacrifice and what makes a man a "real" man. He showed them Jesus. He taught them to be honest and accountable. He gave them the gift of his time and attention..the most important things a dad can offer his sons. He freely hugged, encouraged, and lifted the boys up. He said 'I love you' often. He said 'I am proud of you' regularly. He still does. My boys have never known a time when they had to question their dad's love for them, and I am ever so thankful for that.

So when I say I'm married to the World's Greatest Dad, I know that my husband is a rare jewel of a dad. I am so thankful for him and the legacy he has created for my boys to someday follow once they are fathers themselves. He has given them the gift that keeps on giving for generations to come...a father's love, clothed in time, personal connection, and affection. When I look at my boys today, I'm proud to see a reflection of him shining through them. He's not just any dad..he's the greatest.

Love Disappointed

One day recently I was cleaning house and I was thinking about love. Love is such a strange thing! You can love someone to the ends of the earth, yet sometimes you want to end them by throwing them over the edge of the earth! How is it that we can have such strong feelings on both sides of the spectrum, often at the same time?

I got to thinking about the song The Eagles sang after the September 11 terrorist attacks. In their song Hole in the World, they sing, "They say that anger is just love disappointed." Once you really think about it, that statement is profoundly true. The definition of the word "disappointment" tells us why we feel angry when love disappoints us:

Disappointment (noun): the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the defeat of one’s hopes or expectations.

We set the bar for what we expect from each other, and when our expectations aren't met, we get mad!

In the last few years, I've noticed a trend with people seeming angry all the time. If you don't believe me, post something about the President on Facebook..whether it be a compliment to him or an insult to him...and then sit back and enjoy the show! You will likely see an argument spring up under the comments between two people who may not even know each other. You will probably be "unfriended" by some as well.

People have become like guard dogs, standing by, ready to attack at the smallest of threats. I think it is partly for entertainment purposes for some, but when someone truly feels passionately about something, I believe the root of their passion is actually love.

Think about some of the political debates we seem to have going all the time now. If you are pro-life, you stand up and fight for the unborn. Why? Because you love those babies! If you are pro-abortion, you stand and fight for the moms because you feel like they have a right to make their own choices for their bodies. Why? Because you love those moms! If you fight for gay rights, it's because you want all people to be treated fairly..because you love them! If you are against gay rights, it's because you want others to live in a way that you see as better for them..because you love them and want good for them!

Where we go wrong when debating these topics is that we forget that people generally mean well in these situations. We become defensive, we want to be right and we want them to stay out of our business. We want to be in charge of our own destinies! We become angry when someone tries to sway us otherwise. Again, that anger can be traced back to love disappointed. We want to be loved unconditionally, no matter what our political beliefs or decisions.

On a more personal level, love disappointed cuts us even deeper. Think of a situation between yourself and someone you love deeply. All of us have been hurt before by someone we love at one time or another, and most of the time anger soon enters the picture.

What made you angry about the encounter? I would guess, once again, that you were disappointed. You thought they loved you more than that. You thought they respected you more than that. You thought you didn't deserve that. You were disappointed to see their true feelings emerge. The natural result of that disappointment is anger! "How could they..?", "Why would they...?" are thoughts we have as we stew over the unfortunate event.

Maybe if we could stop for a moment and think about the underlying love in someone's words, we wouldn't be so quick to get angry. Maybe we need to at least consider what they have to say, especially if someone that you know loves you is the speaker. Maybe we need to also consider the person's track record before reacting in anger...do they have a history of being hurtful? Have they shown you unconditional love up to this point? Maybe the love they have shown you every other day before this encounter outweighs the disappointment of today.

James 1:19-20

 (NIV)

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

We live in an angry culture. We live in a disappointed culture. We are self-focused. We see things through our own lenses and we assume others should see through the same lenses. Maybe we just need to stop expecting so much from each other, or maybe we ought to receive more things with a loving spirit rather than a defensive spirit. Maybe one day a song lyric that needs to be written is, "They say that joy is just love well received." I think I will suggest that to Don Henley the next time I see him. I just hope by changing his lyrics I don't make him mad! That would be really disappointing. 😉