Dad to Three, Hero to Me

I am proud to say I am married to the World's Greatest Dad!

When Dave and I married 25 years ago, I knew he would be a good husband, but I really couldn't imagine what life with children would be like at that point. Then, just 2 and a half years later, we welcomed our first son.  Life as we knew it was forever changed!

During those newborn days, you sleep if and when you get a chance. Most babies are awake about every 2 hours for the first few weeks, and then several times a night for several months. Before having babies, I always envisioned being sound asleep and an alarm clock going off all throughout the night. I thought about having to wake up every couple of hours from a dead sleep and take care of a crying little person. I really dreaded that, as I am a "sleep diva". I don't function well with little or no sleep! God is merciful, though. It turns out, you never sleep that deeply again once you have a child, and you don't even have to think about it..you jump up to the task before your brain has even realized it's 3:00 a.m.!

Then there were the nights when the boys woke up sick...I mean really, really sick. Like, having to strip the bed, strip their clothes, start a load of laundry and put the baby in the tub at 3:00 a.m. kind of sick, sometimes multiple times in one night. On the flip side of that, we had a few nights where our sweet sons just felt good in the middle of the night and wanted to get up from bed and play at 3:00 a.m.!

As the boys got older, we had less of "those nights" and more of the "can't get them up in the morning" mornings! We were always scrambling around like crazy people trying to get out the door on time. We had clothes to iron, teeth to brush and hair to comb, making sure everyone was fed, had coats and shoes on and had whatever gear we needed for the day. We all piled in the van and backed out of the garage, and then often pulled back into the garage to retrieve the one thing we left behind. It was always a challenge to get out the door.

Once the boys were teens, we had to make difficult decisions about how much freedom to give and where to cut the strings of parenthood, allowing them the freedom they needed to become adults. They got jobs and girlfriends, and chose friends we didn't always know. They had cars and money of their own. They were beginning a life of decision-making and independence.

Now, we are 2/3 empty-nesting. Our house is very quiet now, compared to the previous 23 years. Two of our boys are on their own. We still have one left and are hanging on for dear life!!

It all has went really fast. I often think back to those years when our boys were young and how sweet those days were. One of the main reasons those years were so sweet was because of their dad. Even when I was pregnant, Dave leaned in at night and read Dr. Seuss books to my belly. When the babies were new, he was right there with me at the 3:00 a.m. feeding, bed-stripping, bath-giving, diaper-changing moments. Many times when I was about to my breaking point with exhaustion, he came in and sent me to bed and sat in the rocker with the baby.

Dave was the one carrying the baby around in a restaurant so I could eat. He was the one who drove up to the door at the grocery store so the baby and I didn't have to get wet in the rain. He was the one in the floor with them in the evenings, growling around on their bellies just to see them smile. He was also the one asleep on the couch with a baby on his chest.

When the boys played sports during their elementary school years, Dave was always their coach. When we had birthday parties for them, he was pouring drinks and handing out plates to the guests. When we finished dinner each evening, he spent time playing basketball in the driveway or football in the yard with the boys. He spent much of our yearly beach vacations playing in the pool or ocean with the boys.

 
 

He attended every game, play, concert and special event they had. He taught them how to tie a necktie and how to treat women with respect. When the boys were teens, he helped me know when to let them go and give them the freedom they needed to thrive. He was the voice of reason on what they were ready to handle and how far to let them go. Now that the two older boys are on their own, Dave spends many evenings and weekends helping them out with their cars and homes. He has taught them how to work on their cars and repair things around their houses.

As proud as I am of all these things, I'm most proud of the example Dave set for our boys of what a dad should be. He modeled hard work, unconditional love, sacrifice and what makes a man a "real" man. He showed them Jesus. He taught them to be honest and accountable. He gave them the gift of his time and attention..the most important things a dad can offer his sons. He freely hugged, encouraged, and lifted the boys up. He said 'I love you' often. He said 'I am proud of you' regularly. He still does. My boys have never known a time when they had to question their dad's love for them, and I am ever so thankful for that.

So when I say I'm married to the World's Greatest Dad, I know that my husband is a rare jewel of a dad. I am so thankful for him and the legacy he has created for my boys to someday follow once they are fathers themselves. He has given them the gift that keeps on giving for generations to come...a father's love, clothed in time, personal connection, and affection. When I look at my boys today, I'm proud to see a reflection of him shining through them. He's not just any dad..he's the greatest.

Being a Martha in a World Full of Marys

I always cringe when the pastor begins preaching about Martha and Mary. Mary is always made out to be the one who has it right, while poor ol’ Martha is missing all the blessings of hanging out with Jesus because she’s so busy cooking their dinner. I have one question for you: What are you going to serve Jesus for dinner if we are all hanging out, chit-chatting away instead of preparing a meal? That dinner ain’t gonna fix itself! As you can see, I’m a Martha. I have had many occasions that I have felt exactly as Martha felt the day Jesus came to visit her and her sister, Mary.

Luke 10:38-42 NIV

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I really do realize that when Jesus spoke to Martha about Mary showing her understanding of the “good part” by worshiping at His feet, He wanted Martha to know that us worshiping our Savior is by far more important to Him than anything else we can do with our time. If you had the choice to either sit in fellowship with Jesus Himself or to work away in the kitchen, you would probably say that sitting with Jesus is always going to be the better choice.

In day-to-day life, though, we rarely have to choose such a cut-and-dried matter as cooking dinner or sitting with Jesus. Often, our choices are more complex. For example, do we prepare dinner for our family or do we hang out on the couch and visit with them instead? 

If you are a Mary, you may say hang out in the couch, and in some cases, that is the right answer! What if your child is feeling bad and needs you to hold him to feel comforted? Then you forgo dinner for a bit and sit in the couch! What if your husband just returned from a six month deployment overseas? Again, sit down and enjoy having him there! But, what if your neighbor is in the hospital and his yard needs mowing? What if your child is a diabetic and needs to eat a healthy meal within a certain time frame? Those scenarios might prompt you to act like Martha and place work first, instead! As you can see, the answer depends on various circumstances. 

The real problem we face in a Mary or Martha situation usually comes down to selfishness. We aren’t always sitting at the feet of Jesus out of love like Mary was doing. Many of us want to sit on the couch because we enjoy not having to act. We want to relax and enjoy our lives at others’ expense, reaping the benefits of their hard work. We take the attitude of, “Why should we work if someone else will do it for us?”, or, “What’s in it for me?” Mary, however, wasn’t just hanging out with Jesus for her own selfish motives, unfairly leaving Martha to do all the work. She was worshiping Him. Worship is a sacrifice, an offering. Mary loved Jesus enough to shower Him with the gift of undivided love and attention.  

Martha loved Jesus too, but at that moment she was so focused on making dinner that she forgot to let love be her guiding force. Instead, she was irritated that Mary wasn’t helping out. When Jesus talked to her about it, He could see that Martha had it all wrong. Her motive for preparing Him a meal should have been love, not the recognition and justice that she seemed to desire. If Martha had acted in love, she would have not resented Mary for worshiping Jesus in that moment, and she herself could have also been in the spirit of worship as she cooked a meal for Jesus to enjoy. 

Proverbs 21:2-3

A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart. To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

Proverbs 21:25

The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work.

So, should you be a Martha or a Mary? When it comes down to it, we really need to decide what the most loving choice will be for the moment at hand. What needs are of utmost importance at that moment? We sure don’t want to miss out on life because we work right through it. But, if our motive in our work is love, doesn’t that honor God as well? He knows our hearts. He knows work needs to be done in order for us to live, but He wants us to have a loving attitude about it. He wants us to worship Him in all we do. That is the message I believe He wanted Martha to understand. Let your servanthood reflect love. Worship Him. Love Him, in spirit and in truth, and sit at His feet for a while.

John 4:24

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.

Please, Mr. Post-Man!

**DISCLAIMER** This post isn't written about anyone or anything In particular. I just often tend to see humor in human behavior, and since most of my blog posts are more serious, I thought I would lighten the mood tonight in an attempt to make you smile 😁 Enjoy and be inspired!

In the world of social media, we feel sort of anonymous, hidden behind a screen, sneaking a look into others' lives. It's like a legal and moral version of peeking through someone's windows! Does anyone my age remember Gladys Kravitz from the show Bewitched? Just think what she could have learned about poor Darrin and Samantha if she had only had Facebook back in the day!!

I always like to say I am not much into social media (or social anything, for that matter!). I'm waiting on anti-social media to hit the scene. That would be an introvert's haven, where we could all just look at everyone else without having to post anything ourselves! Wait..would that work?

In all reality, social media was intended to bring people together, but it often does just the opposite instead. I've actually had people get offended personally because I don't like and comment enough on their Facebook posts. One "friend" even unfriended me because of it! I've also been unfriended because of posting something innocent that someone else misconstrued. It always amazes me that people who know you very well personally seem to take your participation on social media more seriously as a test of your friendship than they do a real relationship with you!

For me personally, I find social media to be less fun than most others do. That's partly why I don't like and comment a lot. I'm not in there looking around very often, and when I am, I am searching for news and information. In many ways, using Facebook as a social outlet sort of exhausts me! I have a long list of pet peeves when it comes to reading social media posts:

1. Facebook (Unsolved) Mysteries: This occurs when someone gives you just a tidbit of information in hopes of getting your attention or curiosity stirred up. An example of a Facebook mystery is a sentence like this- "Just 3 more days. I don't think I can take anymore!" Take anymore what??? What's going to happen in 3 days??? Please, don't bother sharing if you aren't going to explain what that means! I need my sleep, and I can't be lying awake all night wondering what in the world is going to happen to you in 3 days. What if I die in my sleep and never know? I don't think I can take that!!

2. Not So Hidden Diaries: This is where you tell something that would normally be written into a secret diary, the kind where you hide it under your bed and swallow the key. I don't think I can repeat some of the hidden diary things I've read on social media. You've seen some yourself. You know them when you see them..and when you can't unsee them.

3. Fake Hacking: Picking up someone's unlocked phone and putting an embarassing quote on their timeline is NOT hacking. Hacking is when someone who knows how to take a computer apart and put it back together and it will actually still work afterwards sits down at his own computer in another country halfway across the world and opens up your Facebook account, only to be disappointed because all you have posted is Facebook mysteries that they can't figure out. Real hacking is a much bigger problem than leaving your phone unattended among friends. Maybe the act of fake hacking should be renamed something like "fakebooking".

4. Facebook Bulldogging: this is when someone goes to every post they disagree with and starts spouting out his or her opinion just to get a good controversy going. I'm pretty sure you aren't going to change anyone's mind about whatever you are debating to begin with, but I can assure you it won't happen by trying to strong-arm them into doing what you, sometimes as a complete stranger, think they should do. Bulldogging just makes you look like a bully..and a dog.

5. Fishlips, Ducklips, and Chickenlips. We just want to see your "real" face. If I see you in Wal-Mart, I don't want you to have to make that face in order for me to recognize you!

6. The Fickle Facebook Friend: these people are sending you a friend request one week, deleting you the next week, then sending you another request a week later. Sometimes this goes on for years! No explanation or particular reason, they just aren't sure if they really like you or not...today.

7. Facebook PAPs (Passive-aggressive posts): this is where you probably aren't even Facebook friends with someone but you go ahead and chew them out in Facebookland, hoping against hope that somehow it goes viral and they see it. These posts sound something like this- "I hate being lied to. You might think I don't know but I am smarter than you give me credit for! I am done!!" My response to that is 3-fold: first, if your target isn't on your friends list it's likely they'll never see your post, and if they do, they aren't even sure it's about them..which also leaves about 100 other people wondering if it IS about them!  Secondly, if they are on your friends list and you are that mad at them, why not just call them or even better, go see them (dare I say it?) in PERSON?!?! to discuss the matter at hand....privately. Thirdly, if you are truly done, then don't post a rant to them or about them..in that case you actually aren't really done at all. You are just beginning!

7 & 1/2: Using Facebook as a Weapon: This is 7 & 1/2 because it's basically a continuation of #7. One thing my boys always hated hearing me say when they were starting with social media in middle school is, "You will not use Facebook as a weapon!" Sadly, many actual adults still do just that! 

An example of that is shouting out insults to friends or family members by reposting memes and quotes in order to insult your enemy of the week, and to drum up support from the other drama seekers on Facebook. Posts like, "It's ok to let go of aluminum friends once you realize what gold is worth 😉", and then sit back and watch the comments come in.."Honey, you don't even need the gold friends! You are better than that! You're beautiful, you're awesome, you're smart, you're amazing..blah, blah, blah...",typically said by people who barely know you or wouldn't give you air if you were in a jug.  And, if you are truly all those things, you would be so busy being beautiful, awesome, smart, amazing, and blah, blah, blah that you wouldn't be wasting your time trying to win an invisible Facebook war with someone who probably has your profile hidden anyway.

A second example is intentionally shutting someone out just to show them you're the most powerful entity in the social media universe. The way to do this is to skip only their comments, but go overboard reacting to everyone else's. That'll get 'em! 

At the beginning of 7 & 1/2 I referred to my middle schoolers being sometimes guilty of Facebook war. That's where that silliness needs to be left once you enter the actual grown-up realm of society. 

8. Facebook Foul Mouths: I realize not everyone thinks of bad words as actually being a bad thing, but come on, people. If you would be appalled at hearing either your toddler or your pastor say it, then I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say it either..even on Facebook. It only makes you look bad..and social media's purpose is to display ourselves in a prettier light than the one in which we actually live. Pretty is as pretty does. That's pretty simple.

9. Catching a Virus: this is when someone holds up a cardboard sign, has a terribly sad expression on his or her face and posts a picture of themselves, creating a campaign stating something like, "I bet I can't get 1 gazillion shares before I fall in a well, break both my legs, get gangrene and die a slow, painful death." I'm pretty sure if I'm truly dying of gangrene, getting social media likes are going to be pretty far down on my to-do list, following more important things like taking antibiotics and drinking one last sweet tea.

10. Gross Posts: not everyone enjoys seeing stitches and bloody, gaping wounds. Correction: not everyone can handle seeing stitches and bloody, gaping wounds! I'm fairly sure you don't want to see a picture of me vomiting in the comments under your gaping wound photo. Which brings me to my next and final gross post peeve, please don't tell me you are vomiting or spending your day on the toilet. I reeeeaallyyy prefer to not picture you that way! The next time I run into you, I will immediately recapture that picture in my head. It's not a good look for you.

Basically, social media puts all of us on a stage in front of the world to be seen. We get to choose what we show of ourselves, and we really get to create whatever image we want people to see of us!  Our real goal here is to make more friends and be better liked by others. That doesn't mean we have to be fake, or make up stuff to puff ourselves up. It just means maybe we should highlight some of our better traits and downplay some of the less desirable ones, sort of like you would if writing a resume to a potential employer (or when trying on clothes in a dressing room!). Think of how the person on the other end is going to receive your posts.

I know employers who actually peek into your social media accounts before they decide to hire you (or not hire you!). As a mom, I have spied on many-a-girl over the years to assess whether or not my sons will be allowed to date them. It takes me less than five minutes to know a "no". You tell a lot about yourself by what you post and the spirit in which it's posted.

Think about what you post. Is it uplifting? Is it moral? Will people think better or worse of you once they see it? It matters. People notice. Strive to be a post poster-child for your social media posts. You'll feel better about your image, and so will everyone else 😉

Love Disappointed

One day recently I was cleaning house and I was thinking about love. Love is such a strange thing! You can love someone to the ends of the earth, yet sometimes you want to end them by throwing them over the edge of the earth! How is it that we can have such strong feelings on both sides of the spectrum, often at the same time?

I got to thinking about the song The Eagles sang after the September 11 terrorist attacks. In their song Hole in the World, they sing, "They say that anger is just love disappointed." Once you really think about it, that statement is profoundly true. The definition of the word "disappointment" tells us why we feel angry when love disappoints us:

Disappointment (noun): the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the defeat of one’s hopes or expectations.

We set the bar for what we expect from each other, and when our expectations aren't met, we get mad!

In the last few years, I've noticed a trend with people seeming angry all the time. If you don't believe me, post something about the President on Facebook..whether it be a compliment to him or an insult to him...and then sit back and enjoy the show! You will likely see an argument spring up under the comments between two people who may not even know each other. You will probably be "unfriended" by some as well.

People have become like guard dogs, standing by, ready to attack at the smallest of threats. I think it is partly for entertainment purposes for some, but when someone truly feels passionately about something, I believe the root of their passion is actually love.

Think about some of the political debates we seem to have going all the time now. If you are pro-life, you stand up and fight for the unborn. Why? Because you love those babies! If you are pro-abortion, you stand and fight for the moms because you feel like they have a right to make their own choices for their bodies. Why? Because you love those moms! If you fight for gay rights, it's because you want all people to be treated fairly..because you love them! If you are against gay rights, it's because you want others to live in a way that you see as better for them..because you love them and want good for them!

Where we go wrong when debating these topics is that we forget that people generally mean well in these situations. We become defensive, we want to be right and we want them to stay out of our business. We want to be in charge of our own destinies! We become angry when someone tries to sway us otherwise. Again, that anger can be traced back to love disappointed. We want to be loved unconditionally, no matter what our political beliefs or decisions.

On a more personal level, love disappointed cuts us even deeper. Think of a situation between yourself and someone you love deeply. All of us have been hurt before by someone we love at one time or another, and most of the time anger soon enters the picture.

What made you angry about the encounter? I would guess, once again, that you were disappointed. You thought they loved you more than that. You thought they respected you more than that. You thought you didn't deserve that. You were disappointed to see their true feelings emerge. The natural result of that disappointment is anger! "How could they..?", "Why would they...?" are thoughts we have as we stew over the unfortunate event.

Maybe if we could stop for a moment and think about the underlying love in someone's words, we wouldn't be so quick to get angry. Maybe we need to at least consider what they have to say, especially if someone that you know loves you is the speaker. Maybe we need to also consider the person's track record before reacting in anger...do they have a history of being hurtful? Have they shown you unconditional love up to this point? Maybe the love they have shown you every other day before this encounter outweighs the disappointment of today.

James 1:19-20

 (NIV)

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

We live in an angry culture. We live in a disappointed culture. We are self-focused. We see things through our own lenses and we assume others should see through the same lenses. Maybe we just need to stop expecting so much from each other, or maybe we ought to receive more things with a loving spirit rather than a defensive spirit. Maybe one day a song lyric that needs to be written is, "They say that joy is just love well received." I think I will suggest that to Don Henley the next time I see him. I just hope by changing his lyrics I don't make him mad! That would be really disappointing. 😉

Press Along Weary Pilgrim

I was ironing my clothes the other day, and once I was finished, I unplugged the iron and set it on the end of the ironing board to cool. All of the sudden, the iron let out an audible sigh as it released what steam it was holding back. I thought, "I know, little iron..me too!" That iron had done his job. He was tired, and I got it! Because I tend to think in puns, my mind immediately went back to an old hymn we sang in the church I grew up in: Press Along, Weary Pilgrim. At least I didn't actually say that to the iron, but I did think it!

That little iron had pressed all he wanted to press for a while. Even still, tomorrow I will go to the closet and get out that little iron and plug him back in. I expect that he will heat up and fill with steam, and stand at attention, waiting on my hand to guide him along my wrinkled clothes. There's really no other tool I can use that can serve the same purpose as he does as well as him. Thankfully, he won't complain, and he likely won't refuse to work. He will do his job, pressing on, working to iron the wrinkles out of my clothes so I can go out the door looking and feeling my best.

We all feel like that little iron occasionally. We work at our jobs, we work in and around our homes, we work at keeping our families well fed and nicely clothed. We volunteer in our communities, we help at our schools and serve at our churches. We work at being the right kind of neighbor, the right kind of friend and the right kind of Christian. We work, and work, and work some more. Yet, still it seems our work is never really done.

Much of the work we do seems to go completely unnoticed. A lot of it appears to be unappreciated as well. Sometimes even as hard as we work at something, someone else will tell us it isn't good enough. It's sometimes tempting to just wave the white flag and give up altogether! But like that little iron, no one can do whatever it is that each of us do in quite the same way as we do it. We are all called to our own unique purposes! Just as I reach into the closet to get my iron down for the task ahead and fully expect it to be ready to use, God reaches for us to do His work here on earth. He calls for us to be ready to go!

Because of life's stresses and responsibilities, we are often found running from His reach. Sadly, we don't always see our position as a servant as the blessing it is intended to be. Instead, we do what we have to do with a heart of frustration and irritation, drudging through the day as if we feel cheated in some way to have to serve. We feel resentful that it falls on us to do. We get overwhelmed. We want to be unplugged and left alone on the ironing board to cool!

Even though we obviously need rest too, we are expected to work and to work as diligently and as hard as we can. The bible addresses this, and God has much to say about our attitude in serving as well. He guides us not just about working, but working with a happy heart and not giving up when you tire out:


Romans 12:11 NIV

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord


Mark 10:45 (NIV)

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many

Collosians 3:23

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters

2 Chronicles 15:7 (NIV)

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

We have to press on, no matter how weary we get. Turn your mind toward God and His purposes for you. Allow yourself to feel honored that God trusts you with responsibilities, and honor Him by doing your very best with them. Ask Him for the steam and fervor you need to get the job done. Ask Him where to serve. Then, press along weary pilgrim, press on!

The Little Boy I Learned to Love: Finding Forgiveness After Sexual Abuse

I don't think he could have known the damage he caused me. I'm not sure it would have stopped him if he had. Pedophiles are obviously not interested in the welfare of their victims.

I was the perfect victim. My dad had been in an accident when I was a child and spent much time in the hospital, which meant Mom was gone a lot too while she stayed with Dad. I was shy, insecure and needy.

I spent a lot of time with my grandmother, and my uncle lived with her. He was the type of man who, when the adults were playing Rook at the kitchen table, took me outside to throw a Frisbee or pass a baseball back and forth. I thought that was great! I always liked being outside, running, playing and climbing (I'm still not a good sitter!). He had studied me enough to know how to connect with me. He told me I was the prettiest of all the nieces, and he pointed out how Mom favored my sister, always taking her side over mine. I thought, "Wow! Finally an adult that can see that Mom likes her more than me!" He bought me little gifts. He made me feel like a princess.

Looking back now, obviously, all the warning signs were there. Remember, though, this was in the 1970s, and back then, we didn't publicly talk about sex. We certainly didn't know what we know now about pedophiles. This was pre-Adam Walsh. This was also a time in our family that we were just trying to survive!

I kept that deep, dark secret for many, many years. I thought I was fine! I had no idea that it had even had an effect on me.

It did. I spent much of my teens and twenties desperately searching for someone who would love me. I put up with almost anything to be loved. I was used and tossed away like yesterday's garbage. I was stuck in a cycle of choosing the wrong guys because I didn't feel valuable enough to have someone treat me with respect, and then was left feeling even less valued after each relationship ended.

When my life changed in a new direction was after the last dead-end relationship finally ended. That night, I asked God to save me..really save me. I had been saved as a young child, and I knew Jesus was in my heart, but at such a young age, I really didn't have anything in my life I desired to be saved from yet. This night, I surrendered. For the first time in my life, I told God I was totally His! I told Him if he would take me, I would trust Him with it all. Maybe I wasn't supposed to meet someone and get married and have babies like I so desperately wanted. Maybe I was supposed to travel as a missionary, or some other line of work for God that would have been suppressed if I were tied down with a husband and kids. I didn't know why I hadn't been able to find what my heart so desired, but on this night I quit asking "why" and started trusting God for His plan for me, whatever that was!

I literally met Dave less than two weeks later. I was actually very rejectful of him because I was so afraid he was a "test"...maybe God was seeing if I really meant what I said? It took me a while to give him a chance, but after 2 years of dating and 25 years of marriage, I can truly say he was sent by God, but not as a test. He was sent to fill my heart's desires, answering all those prayers I prayed for so long in the quiet of the night.

After marrying my Prince Charming, the hard part of putting all the hurt of my past behind me was just beginning. I had never thought about forgiving my uncle. I had buried all that so deeply that I didn't know I needed to. Soon, though, I began to realize how scarred I was emotionally over all I had endured. My hurt also caused Dave a great deal of pain as he felt rejected and unable to help me. For the first time in my life, I felt mad and cheated because of what my uncle had stolen from me! He took my innocence, my trust in men, and ultimately much of my youth away. I was mad!

I had a dream one night that my family was at a reunion at Steel Creek Park. My uncle was there, and in my dream, I completely unleashed on him! I was fighting him and hitting him and thrashing as hard as I could! He just cowered down and took it, and I beat him so badly there was nothing but a little pile of mush left of him, heaped up right there in the park under the swing set. I calmly walked over, knelt down with a spatula and scooped up what was left of him into a pizza box and closed the lid and threw it away. I woke up with a new perspective the next morning: I can't hold all that in anymore. I have to forgive him!

But how? How can I let go of holding him accountable for all he took from me? One day, unexpectedly, the answer came. My cousin had been tracing our family tree, and she sent me a packet with the information about our family and pictures from years ago. The one that got my attention was this one:

The little boy in this picture is my uncle. He was 4 years old in this picture. It just so happened that my middle son was 4 years old at the time...my little blonde baby boy. Oh my goodness..now here in this picture is another perfectly innocent little blonde-haired boy. He was my grandmother's baby son. He wasn't born a pedophile, he was born an innocent little baby. Someone, along the way, hurt him. Someone probably sexually abused him. Somewhere, someone failed him.

My feelings for him suddenly changed. I no longer wanted to scoop his remains into a pizza box and throw him away! The momma in me wanted to scoop him up into my arms and hold him, and protect him from whatever future thing would change him into the man I knew. I often think of my former pastor saying, "Hurt people hurt people." My uncle was hurt. I felt so sorry for that little boy.

We are all hurting. You may not have been molested, but you may have suffered some other form of abuse. Maybe you were exposed to drugs as a child, maybe you were neglected. Maybe you just struggled to survive. Maybe you are holding on to that hurt and resentment.

If that is you tonight, think for a minute about who hurt you. They weren't born a bad person, sin made them act that way. God still loves them, even in their sin. They are still His little boy or little girl. Pray for them, and ask God to convict their hearts of their sin and ask Him to heal their hurting hearts. When your focus changes from how they hurt you to how they have been hurt themselves, you will find that your compassion for them multiplies. Isn't that just how God sees us all? He loves us all, through the good and the bad..His children..His little girls and little boys.

Galatians 4:7 (NIV)

So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

Picture of Love

When someone dies, even a celebrity or public figure that we don't even know personally, there is a trend of replacing our profile pictures on social media to that of the deceased as a way to honor their memories. Even though I think it's nice that people want to show their love and honor those who have passed, every time I see that happen I can't help but wonder why we don't honor them while they are still alive to see it themselves?

Can you imagine the feeling of opening up your Facebook one morning and everyone you know has changed their pictures to a photo of you? What if their posts that day were a story of how loved you are and how much they admire you and need you in their lives?

Too often, we humans don't even give much thought to the important people we do life with. Maybe it's our nature to think they'll always be there, maybe it's because we would be uncomfortable sharing our feelings publicly about that person, or maybe it's just because we are just plain selfish and we truly don't think much about them because we are so focused on us!

Now, I get that it would really freak you out to see your picture flood Facebook while you are still alive! If I looked at Facebook and saw my picture and a post about me pop up on everyone's page at once, I would probably think for a minute that maybe I had died and just didn't know it yet! But why don't we make a conscience effort, not just on social media but in real life, to tell those we love how important they are to us? Why do we often not realize how we need them until they are gone?

My parents are in the final years of their lives. Both are in poor health and my dad was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I don't know how much longer I have to tell them and to show them that I love them, but I want to make sure that I never miss the opportunity to say how I feel while I still can. I want them to know they are not alone in their suffering. I want them to know I value them and appreciate them. I want nothing to be left unsaid, and I sure don't want to leave things I should be doing for them undone.

You don't have to be old or even be sick to die. We have also had young friends and relatives who have died recently. I always wonder when I hear of one of these unexpected deaths what that person's loved ones said to them the last time they spoke. I wonder if they had known it would be the last time they would have to speak to the person they love if they would have said or done something differently.

Honestly, I think most people would wish they had another chance to make sure that person knew how deeply they were loved, even if they regularly spoke it and showed it already. I think at the moment the news came that their loved one was gone, most people would immediately wish they hadn't worried so much about some of the frivolous things we tend to focus on. I think most would immediately wish they had a do-over.

Find someone you love and vow to honor them today, while they can see it! Show up unexpectedly with a special treat, send a card, or give them a call. Tell them how important they are to you. Remind them that they are cherished. Change your profile picture to a picture of them! Love them today like there's no tomorrow!

Romans 12:10 (NIV)

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.