Hang on, Baby

When my boys were babies, I heard a Christian speaker say that when her kids were small, she had a rule of never being the first to let go when they gave her a hug. She believed that sometimes kids won’t come to their parents and say, “I’m scared”, “Im stressed”, “I need to feel loved”, and other feelings children struggle with sometimes. If you pay close attention, though, you can often read these things by observing their actions.

After hearing this, I made a conscious choice to always parent by that thought. When my toddlers came up and climbed onto my lap, I never had them sit down beside me instead. Sometimes I had all of them sitting on me at once, and sometimes my legs went numb! Still, I made a choice to let them hang on as long as they needed. I also did the “no limit hugging” the speaker suggested. As they got bigger, I never quit practicing this habit, and my boys never quit hugging. Some of their hugs were short and sweet. Sometimes the hugs were ambush hugs, where they ran up while my hands were occupied in dishwater or bread dough and gave me a quick on-the-run hug. Many times, though, the hugs were long. Awkwardly long. Those were the hugs I knew they needed most. 

My boys are 22, 20 and 14 now, and the rule still applies. Just a couple of weeks ago, one of my sons was going through a trial that created a lot of stress for him. He stepped up to give me a hug, and I wrapped my arms around his waist as he laid his head on my shoulder. He stayed. He stayed a long time. This boy, who is expected to be a man and who takes pride in handling things himself, needed to know he wasn’t alone. He needed to feel safe, loved and protected. 

I think about those hugs I’ve gotten like that over the years. I feel thankful that my boys know that no matter what they are going through that Mom is right here with them through whatever comes. I love my boys and want them to always think of me as constant, reliable and available. I want them to feel like no matter what, Mom will be there for them.

I don’t know how to fix all my sons’ problems, and I don’t always know how to tell them how to solve them. I do know that no matter what life throws at them, it comforts them to know that someone has their backs. The power in a genuine, heart-felt hug can make everything seem ok, at least for a moment. And knowing that door is always open, and that you can hang on as long as you need, is sometimes enough to get you through another day.