Boys are loud. Boys are messy. Boys like bad smells and gross things! Then they grow up into men. Men are loud. Does your husband watch sports? Men are messy. Have your husband demonstrate how to wrap up the bread after he makes a sandwich..I bet the little twist tie thingy is left on the counter (along with the bread crumbs) as he believes the twist and tuck is good enough for now. And smells and gross things?? Well, we won't even go there! Now, I certainly realize that not all men fall under this stereotype, but as a mom of three boys (all three with completely different personalities) as well as two brothers and six nephews, I can say with much assurance that these are very common traits among the male species.
As a mom of these little creatures, we sometimes feel like we are fighting a losing battle as we try to combat all the "boyness" that lurks within our little guys. Our real mission here, though, is not to fight it. Our real mission is to use these unique traits to mold and shape our boys into the men God intended them to be one day. It's hard to imagine when your baby boy is toddling around in a diaper that he will one day be a grown man and someone's husband. Mommies don't ever want their babies to grow up! I can tell you, though, I was never a mom who wanted to rush a minute of it away, and it's still hard for me to believe my boys are now 22, 19 and 14. It seems like I blinked my eyes and this parenting journey is almost behind me.
It's never too early to think about who your boys will become as adult men. Pray for your sons! Pray for them now, but especially pray for who they are to be. Pray for God to lead them where He would have them go.
I prayed over my babies from the time they were born. I would hold them in my arms and pray. I would go into their rooms as they slept and pray. I would pray for them as I drove to work in the mornings. I prayed for them a lot. But then I had an acquaintance stop me cold at church one day and she told me I needed to start praying right then for my boys' future wives. I mean, I just spoke to her, she spoke back, then she came straight over to me and said, "Lisa, you need to start praying right now for these boys' future wives!" She told me her own personal experience and testimony of her new son-in-law and how perfectly God had sent him! My boys were only 1, 6 and 9 years old! I thought she was crazy telling me to think of their wives! That would be would be eons away! I did go home and think about it though, and I soon began to pray over the women they'd one day meet. I prayed for their purity, their hearts to be protected, their physical safety and their salvation. I prayed for a God to send them to my boys at the right time in each of their lives.
Once I began to pray for my boys' future wives, it occurred to me that they would one day be husbands. I needed to get to work on these grimy, smelly little critters! From that point forward, my parenting style changed. My goal was much greater than my benefit now as their mom, my goal was for them to benefit later as husbands. I have several quotes that I use often. Well, the first is more of a question, really:
"Is that the kind of man you want to be one day?" -When my boys justify being a jerk to each other, or anyone else, for that matter, or when they decide it's too much effort to do a job well so they do a halfway attempt instead, I ask them, "Is that the kind of man you see yourself being when you are a husband and father one day?" Of course they always answer with a no! I then explain how they are practicing now for the man God has planned for them to be and He will only trust them with what blessings He knows they are mature enough to handle. How can you be the leader of your household if you can't be responsible for following a few simple tasks?
Being the head of the household one day is God's plan for all men. Even if they remain single, God expects men to stand on their own and make their own way. In most cases, being the head of a household is the foundation for all other leadership roles. We are robbing our sons of this honor if we don't trust our sons with responsibility early in their lives. We need to show them that we believe they are "men". We need them to believe they can handle cleaning up that mess themselves, that they can handle that teacher who may not be so easy to handle, that they can make some decisions (with our guidance, of course, but ultimately letting them decide and letting them experience the results). We need to teach our men to be gentlemen. They need to still hold the door for those behind them, they need to stoop to pick up something when someone drops something near them, they need to be taught to consider others before themselves. We need to shape leaders, men of courage.
Another quote I use regularly is, "You can't get married until you stop doing ______." For example, peeling socks off inside out and tossing them toward the hamper (notice I said toward, not in). For us moms (and wives), it takes relatively the same amount of time to flip a sock right-side-out as it does to fold it together with it's mate. For each sock that's inside out, you just doubled our folding time. Now, it's not that a sock here and there is grounds for a divorce, but for women, little gestures like that many times a day send a constant message: "You are not valued." Before long, the honeymoon is over and the wife feels more like a maid than a newlywed. Add a baby to the mix, and the stress is more than many couples can bear.
Now, go back and look at your sweet little boy. What do you hope for his future? Miserable marriage? Divorce? Of course not! For this reason, we need to stay the course! Yes, sometimes we can clean things up quicker and easier than having them do it, but having them do it is an investment in their future as a husband. I want my boys to have a happy marriage. I want them to value their wives. We are in a world that unfortunately requires most couples to share financial responsibility, so the wife shouldn't have to work outside the home plus bear all of the home responsibilities as well. It takes both working at it to keep it up!
Raising husbands is not an easy task. Most likely, a daughter-in-law will still tell you one day that the socks are still in the hamper inside out (if she is one of the lucky few who finds them in the hamper to begin with!). Hopefully, though, she will also tell you how proud she is to be married to such a hard-working, devoted husband. Hopefully when he comes up short he will learn to step up and do more, to continue to work harder, and to always seek God's will in both his own life, and in the lives of his family. And hopefully one day he will raise husbands (or wives!) of his own!
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.”
Ephesians 5:23 KJV
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.
No comments:
Post a Comment