Adults in Training

It's easy sometimes to forget that we haven't always known what we know now. As adults, we know not to tilt our cup up too high or our drink will spill down the front of our shirt. We also know not to chew with our mouths open...well, most of us do, at least! We have learned what is both appropriate and socially acceptable behavior, and most of us just automatically behave that way. For some reason, however, many of us forget that we once were unaware of those unspoken social "rules of behavior". We were once children who blurted out right in the middle of the family Christmas gathering that we didn't like Aunt Wanda's homemade Christmas gift! (Ok, maybe that was just me 😏)

The point is, children are not adults, they are adults in training! It is our job to mold and shape them into respectable adults who know how to abide by the rules of appropriate behavior, but often parents just become frustrated and irritated at their children because they don't seem to automatically know how to behave like an adult.

I often observe these kinds of exchanges at the psychological analysis observatory I call "Wal-Mart". Many times parents are there with small children and they are attempting to shop for groceries while keeping their little ones safe nearby. Just recently, I turned a corner and headed toward a new aisle where a family was nearing the end of that aisle. The wife was on one side of the aisle with her cart and had one school-age boy beside her. The husband was on the opposite side of the aisle with another younger child, a little girl, who was beside him in the middle of the aisle. I stopped my cart mid-turn when I saw the little girl in the middle of the aisle. She was completely unaware that I was even there. Before I knew it, her dad grabbed her by the arm and yanked her toward himself and barked, "Get over here!" Then he apologized to me that she was in my way. I told him it was absolutely no problem, and I smiled at her and made eye contact with her as she looked at me like she was embarrassed and scared she had done something wrong. As I walked past them I heard him berating her for standing in the middle of the aisle, and he was telling her how she should know not to do that.  Bless her heart. She may have been 7 years old. I'm pretty sure she wasn't being a defiant, mean spirited little girl. She was just being a child.

The way she will learn to be an adult is by the adults around her setting examples of appropriate adult behavior, and by adults, especially the parents, lovingly and patiently guiding her. That same exchange could have been delivered so differently. Imagine that same little girl in that same situation. Imagine that dad saying, "Hey, say excuse me and let this lady come through (directing her attention toward me rather than her feeling the negative attention toward herself).  In that exchange, the child isn't being told she's a bad kid for making a mistake, she is being taught to think about the needs of the other person. The dad was frustrated that the little girl apparently didn't already know not to stand in the middle of the aisle in Wal-Mart. Some adults still don't know that's rude, but yet he expected a 7-year old to automatically know that!

If you look around, you will notice many examples of this, maybe even in your own parenting at times. Don't be too hard on yourself, though. We all get frustrated sometimes. Just remind yourself that children are adults in training. We should not punish normal childlike behavior.  

Punishment should be reserved for defiant behavior. Likewise, childlike behavior should be age appropriate for the child. For example, a 10 year old shouldn't be crying over a toy in Wal-Mart. That becomes defiant behavior at that point.

God gave us these little people to mold and shape, and we have a huge responsibility to shape them into productive, God-fearing men and women! We should be investing everything we have into them spiritually, especially love. A child who feels loved is certainly more likely to show love in return. God loves us enough to allow us to make mistakes as we grow up in Him..shouldn't we have the same mercies with our children?

Psalm 103:13(ESV)

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him."