Fly, Little Bird, Fly

This is the last few days for my oldest son to live at home with us. For 22 years, this brown-eyed, sweetheart of a boy that made me a mommy has blessed our hearts with more joy than he could ever imagine. For as long as I can remember, he has filled our home with music, a talent that was instilled in him from birth. I've been trying to prepare myself for the looming silence that's coming in a few days, the blatant absence of guitar riffs streaming throughout the hallway each night. 

As my oldest baby prepares to move into his new home this week, I'm left once again with another empty spot in my nest. It's all good and I'm super proud of him, but it's still hard on mama birds to watch their babies fly the coop. It just will take us some getting-used-to.

Hagen and his fiancé, Emily, have dated for several years, and she is perfect for him. She is everything we prayed for, and I have no doubt that they will have a great life together. Once they marry this coming September, they will begin their journey as one and they will start writing the pages of their own book, one that I am sure will make me proud!

Today, I got a glimpse of that future fairytale. I went into the house that Hagen will live in for his last few months as a single man, and where Emily will join him after their marriage. It's just the perfect size for a young couple, yet big enough for a new family once children come along. I stepped into the kitchen and imagined how excited they'll soon be to host family events and entertain friends around the dinner table. Looking out on the back deck, I could see them, in my mind, relaxing after a long day of work, just the two of them, talking into the wee hours of the night as they sit beneath a blanket of stars overhead. I thought about their first Christmas tree that will proudly shine in their front window for passers-by to see. And then I stepped into the smaller bedroom, the one just beside the master. "This...", I thought, "This room will be filled with sweetness one day!" Stuffed bears tucked neatly into the corner, a stack of pastel blankets on the shelf in the closet. Sounds of lullabies filling the air, sweet smells of new baby skin wafting lightly through the room. Seeing my baby boy become a father one day to his own baby...oh my. Today, I'm officially passing the baton to my son and daughter-in-law. It's their turn to fly!   

I don't think they can truly imagine what blessings await on this flight they are about to take. I know I couldn't have known that either when Dave and I were starting our life together 25 years of blessings ago. But this ol' mama can see from this side that the best is yet to come for Hagen and Emily! Of course I want them to enjoy being a couple first, for as long as they feel they need to wait before the responsibilities of family come along. But a mama can dream, can't she? And I'm dreamin' of babies 😌

Psalm 37:23-24
If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand

Like Sands Through the Hourglass, So are the Days of Our Lives

Today I had the privilege of giving haircuts to an elderly homebound couple whose daughter is a good friend of mine. They both had been in the hospital recently and both were in dire need of haircuts.

When I arrived at their home, a young lady was sitting in as a caretaker for the couple. Their daughter, granddaughter and I walked in and their faces seemed to light up at the monotony being broken for the day. We talked for a moment and then came up with a plan for how to set up shop around the furniture, using a wheelchair as a shop chair.

As I worked away cutting the little lady's long silver locks into a spunky layered bob, I couldn't help but notice how much life had happened around them in years past. Pictures adorned the walls in the living room and down the hallway, family photos of children and grandchildren. Some of the pictures were from many years ago, when their daughter and her siblings were children. Others were more recent, with their adult children holding babies of their own.

There was a shadow box on the wall that contained several medals and some dog tags from the man's days in the army. As I cut his hair, he told me a little about being sent to Korea as a young man, and about how cold it was there. He also told me that most years since then he has cut his own hair, then proudly showed me his little razor-comb that he bought for a dollar many years ago. As I snipped away, Bonanza played on the television in front of us.

I thought a lot about my own aging parents while I was there, and I also imagined what it will be like when my day comes to be in their shoes. The pictures on the wall, the medals proudly displayed..those are reminders of the life that once was: A house full of children and playful days, hard times raising a family, getting up to go to work every day. School buses dropping off the kids in front of the house, dinner on the stove and laundry hanging on the line.

Those are the days of our lives. Those are the days we think will always be, until one day, when our bodies tire out and we sit down to rest and then realize how fast it all went by us. How blessed are the normal days, the days we have the ability to mow our yards, take a walk in the neighborhood, wash our cars and play with our kids. How blessed is the life we have now, each minute of every day that God Himself has afforded us. How blessed.

Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

    My flesh and my heart may fail,

    but God is the strength of my heart

    and my portion forever.

Who's in the Trunk Beside You?

Ok, I admit it. I watch too much Investigation Discovery!! I am fascinated by psychology and what makes people tick. I can't help it. ID feeds my desire to try and figure out what makes crazy people do crazy things!

My boys like to say some of my "deep thoughts" are a direct result of my Sunday afternoon ID marathons, and they may be right. One day, as I was sitting in traffic, I looked over at the car beside me and thought, "Oh my gosh. That guy could have a body in his trunk and I would just be sitting here completely unaware!" Think about it..the crazy people who are out there committing murders often transport the body to a secluded place for dumping. Somebody, somewhere, sat at a red light beside that guy!

Seriously, though, I do wonder how many times evil is skirting that closely to us and we are completely oblivious. How many times did Satan have a plan for something awful for us and God sent an angel to surround us and prevent the attack? Sometimes we make the seemingly small decision of which road to travel or what time to leave, and unbeknownst to us, that small decision might have been THE decision that actually saved our lives!

What if we had been a few seconds ahead in traffic when that car swerved into our lane? What if that road we chose to bypass had a tree fall across it at the exact time we would have been in that spot? These may sound like far-fetched ideas to some, but I do believe angels are often sent to intervene on our behalf. The bible speaks of just that! 

Take a second to pray as you make even the smallest of decisions throughout the day. Just say, "Ok Lord. Which road should I take?" Seek His will in even the tiniest of plans. He will always have angels there ahead of you.

Psalm 91:11 (NIV) "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways"

Exodus 23:20(NIV) “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared."

Write Youself a Reality Check

I heard a quote at church today that was so good I came straight home and wrote it down: “Mental health is facing reality at all costs.” Yesss! That statement reveals so much about some of the problems our country is facing today.

I have noticed a trend over the last few years. It seems like people, both young and old, have a desperate need to escape reality. Some escape by using drugs or alcohol, some by creating a false reality on social media, some by just tuning out the world and pretending all is well, even when it’s obviously not. I’ve pondered this trend for a while now and as a realist myself, I have wondered what has happened to our men and women in this country?

Just a generation or two ago, people seemed to be better at digging in their heels and dealing with life. I think about my grandparents, all of whom had their share of hardships and reasons to escape entirely into the abyss of denial. My paternal grandparents seemed to never have more financially than just what they needed to get by. They never even owned a home, they always rented and moved often in an attempt to find a more affordable place. My Granny never learned to drive and mostly stayed home cooking and cleaning. My Granddaddy worked on the railroad. He had a physically hard job and had a wife and five children to support. I don’t remember ever hearing either of them complain about their situation. Even as they both went through serious health problems and right up to their deaths, I never once heard them propose that life had treated them unfairly.

My mother’s parents had hard lives too, especially in their younger years. My Papaw’s mother died when he was just nine years old. He started working shortly thereafter to help support his younger siblings. He went through losing the family home in a fire, and the death of his two-year-old baby brother that his father accidentally backed over in their driveway. As the oldest child, he was expected to act as the man of the house and bore a lot of responsibility. He married my Nanny at 18 years old. She was just 15, and just a few weeks before they married, her dad and little 13 year old brother were killed in a fiery accident when the fuel truck my great-grandfather drove was struck by a train. Both my Papaw and Nanny had many reasons to give up, but neither did. My grandmother surely suffered outwardly more than my grandfather did, but neither of them gave up. 

My parents were married when my Mom was just 14 years old and my Dad was 19. Soon after they married, Dad went to Germany to serve in the army. After 16 months, Mom was able to join him, leaving home for the first time and flying over seas to a foreign country all by herself at just 15 years old. My oldest brother was born around a year later, followed a few years later by my other brother, then me and my younger sister. My mother stayed home with us, and after the army years, Dad worked at a grocery store and later drove a bread truck route. When I was 8 years old, Dad was in a terrible accident in his bread truck that almost took his life. He suffered multiple injuries, many of which still plague him today. My mother took care of us kids by herself, for the most part, and she took care of Dad at the same time. The rest of my childhood and teen years were spent in a “touch and go” type pattern, with Dad in the hospital most of the time, us wondering if he would make it through once again. Peppered into the situation were marital problems that threatened to destroy our family. Just last October, my parents celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary. They didn’t give up!

Throughout each of the events and situations I’ve described, there were moments of defeat and patterns of unhealthy behavior that all of my family members, including me, experienced. None of us are perfectly balanced and mentally healthy in all areas of our lives all of the time! But, when I look back at these stories and the stories of so many others, I still see a pattern of staying in the game and facing the giants that hoped to destroy. 

It seems that part of the problem in our day in time is that people struggle more with self-discipline than in times past. Maybe it’s because we are in a “need it now, get it now” world. Our endurance seems to be gone. Falling into escape patterns when we don’t get our way is a natural reaction in a society where everything we want or need  normally comes at the touch of a button. Why wouldn’t we be frustrated that we can’t always fix everything instantly? Nearly everything around us is under our control. How are we to deal with something that’s not? God wants us to practice controlling our emotions and reactions. He wants us to trust Him to take care of things for us.

The main thing about reality that we need to understand is that God already knows how it’s all going to play out! If we only knew the end result, how often would we walk more gracefully through the fires the enemy sends our way? I have so often said, “Lord, if you would just drop me a little Post-It note telling me how you are going to fix this, that’d be great!” I know He has a plan for everything that happens in my life. The problem is me!! I don’t want to suffer. I don’t want to be uncomfortable. But one thing God has revealed to me in this life is that through Him, I will survive. Zoning out in an attempt to not feel the pain is not an option. Escaping is not trusting Him. I may be hurting, I may be lacking, by the world’s standards, at least. But, through Christ, I have the strength to stand up and face whatever life throws at me, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NIV

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Raising Husbands from Little Boys

Boys are loud. Boys are messy. Boys like bad smells and gross things! Then they grow up into men. Men are loud. Does your husband watch sports? Men are messy. Have your husband demonstrate how to wrap up the bread after he makes a sandwich..I bet the little twist tie thingy is left on the counter (along with the bread crumbs) as he believes the twist and tuck is good enough for now. And smells and gross things?? Well, we won't even go there! Now, I certainly realize that not all men fall under this stereotype, but as a mom of three boys (all three with completely different personalities) as well as two brothers and six nephews, I can say with much assurance that these are very common traits among the male species.

As a mom of these little creatures, we sometimes feel like we are fighting a losing battle as we try to combat all the "boyness" that lurks within our little guys. Our real mission here, though, is not to fight it. Our real mission is to use these unique traits to mold and shape our boys into the men God intended them to be one day. It's hard to imagine when your baby boy is toddling around in a diaper that he will one day be a grown man and someone's husband. Mommies don't ever want their babies to grow up! I can tell you, though, I was never a mom who wanted to rush a minute of it away, and it's still hard for me to believe my boys are now 22, 19 and 14. It seems like I blinked my eyes and this parenting journey is almost behind me. 

It's never too early to think about who your boys will become as adult men. Pray for your sons! Pray for them now, but especially pray for who they are to be. Pray for God to lead them where He would have them go. 

I prayed over my babies from the time they were born. I would hold them in my arms and pray. I would go into their rooms as they slept and pray. I would pray for them as I drove to work in the mornings. I prayed for them a lot. But then I had an acquaintance stop me cold at church one day and she told me I needed to start praying right then for my boys' future wives. I mean, I just spoke to her, she spoke back, then she came straight over to me and said, "Lisa, you need to start praying right now for these boys' future wives!" She told me her own personal experience and testimony of her new son-in-law and how perfectly God had sent him! My boys were only 1, 6 and 9 years old! I thought she was crazy telling me to think of their wives! That would be would be eons away! I did go home and think about it though, and I soon began to pray over the women they'd one day meet. I prayed for their purity, their hearts to be protected, their physical safety and their salvation. I prayed for a God to send them to my boys at the right time in each of their lives.

Once I began to pray for my boys' future wives, it occurred to me that they would one day be husbands. I needed to get to work on these grimy, smelly little critters! From that point forward, my parenting style changed. My goal was much greater than my benefit now as their mom, my goal was for them to benefit later as husbands. I have several quotes that I use often. Well, the first is more of a question, really:

"Is that the kind of man you want to be one day?" -When my boys justify being a jerk to each other, or anyone else, for that matter, or when they decide it's too much effort to do a job well so they do a halfway attempt instead, I ask them, "Is that the kind of man you see yourself being when you are a husband and father one day?" Of course they always answer with a no! I then explain how they are practicing now for the man God has planned for them to be and He will only trust them with what blessings He knows they are mature enough to handle. How can you be the leader of your household if you can't be responsible for following a few simple tasks? 

Being the head of the household one day is God's plan for all men. Even if they remain single, God expects men to stand on their own and make their own way. In most cases, being the head of a household is the foundation for all other leadership roles. We are robbing our sons of this honor if we don't trust our sons with responsibility early in their lives. We need to show them that we believe they are "men". We need them to believe they can handle cleaning up that mess themselves, that they can handle that teacher who may not be so easy to handle, that they can make some decisions (with our guidance, of course, but ultimately letting them decide and letting them experience the results). We need to teach our men to be gentlemen. They need to still hold the door for those behind them, they need to stoop to pick up something when someone drops something near them, they need to be taught to consider others before themselves. We need to shape leaders, men of courage.

Another quote I use regularly is, "You can't get married until you stop doing ______." For example, peeling socks off inside out and tossing them toward the hamper (notice I said toward, not in). For us moms (and wives), it takes relatively the same amount of time to flip a sock right-side-out as it does to fold it together with it's mate. For each sock that's inside out, you just doubled our folding time. Now, it's not that a sock here and there is grounds for a divorce, but for women, little gestures like that many times a day send a constant message: "You are not valued." Before long, the honeymoon is over and the wife feels more like a maid than a newlywed. Add a baby to the mix, and the stress is more than many couples can bear. 

Now, go back and look at your sweet little boy. What do you hope for his future? Miserable marriage? Divorce? Of course not! For this reason, we need to stay the course! Yes, sometimes we can clean things up quicker and easier than having them do it, but having them do it is an investment in their future as a husband. I want my boys to have a happy marriage. I want them to value their wives. We are in a world that unfortunately requires most couples to share financial responsibility, so the wife shouldn't have to work outside the home plus bear all of the home responsibilities as well. It takes both working at it to keep it up!

Raising husbands is not an easy task. Most likely, a daughter-in-law will still tell you one day that the socks are still in the hamper inside out (if she is one of the lucky few who finds them in the hamper to begin with!). Hopefully, though, she will also tell you how proud she is to be married to such a hard-working, devoted husband. Hopefully when he comes up short he will learn to step up and do more, to continue to work harder, and to always seek God's will in both his own life, and in the lives of his family. And hopefully one day he will raise husbands (or wives!) of his own!

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.”

Ephesians 5:23 KJV

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.

Adults in Training

It's easy sometimes to forget that we haven't always known what we know now. As adults, we know not to tilt our cup up too high or our drink will spill down the front of our shirt. We also know not to chew with our mouths open...well, most of us do, at least! We have learned what is both appropriate and socially acceptable behavior, and most of us just automatically behave that way. For some reason, however, many of us forget that we once were unaware of those unspoken social "rules of behavior". We were once children who blurted out right in the middle of the family Christmas gathering that we didn't like Aunt Wanda's homemade Christmas gift! (Ok, maybe that was just me 😏)

The point is, children are not adults, they are adults in training! It is our job to mold and shape them into respectable adults who know how to abide by the rules of appropriate behavior, but often parents just become frustrated and irritated at their children because they don't seem to automatically know how to behave like an adult.

I often observe these kinds of exchanges at the psychological analysis observatory I call "Wal-Mart". Many times parents are there with small children and they are attempting to shop for groceries while keeping their little ones safe nearby. Just recently, I turned a corner and headed toward a new aisle where a family was nearing the end of that aisle. The wife was on one side of the aisle with her cart and had one school-age boy beside her. The husband was on the opposite side of the aisle with another younger child, a little girl, who was beside him in the middle of the aisle. I stopped my cart mid-turn when I saw the little girl in the middle of the aisle. She was completely unaware that I was even there. Before I knew it, her dad grabbed her by the arm and yanked her toward himself and barked, "Get over here!" Then he apologized to me that she was in my way. I told him it was absolutely no problem, and I smiled at her and made eye contact with her as she looked at me like she was embarrassed and scared she had done something wrong. As I walked past them I heard him berating her for standing in the middle of the aisle, and he was telling her how she should know not to do that.  Bless her heart. She may have been 7 years old. I'm pretty sure she wasn't being a defiant, mean spirited little girl. She was just being a child.

The way she will learn to be an adult is by the adults around her setting examples of appropriate adult behavior, and by adults, especially the parents, lovingly and patiently guiding her. That same exchange could have been delivered so differently. Imagine that same little girl in that same situation. Imagine that dad saying, "Hey, say excuse me and let this lady come through (directing her attention toward me rather than her feeling the negative attention toward herself).  In that exchange, the child isn't being told she's a bad kid for making a mistake, she is being taught to think about the needs of the other person. The dad was frustrated that the little girl apparently didn't already know not to stand in the middle of the aisle in Wal-Mart. Some adults still don't know that's rude, but yet he expected a 7-year old to automatically know that!

If you look around, you will notice many examples of this, maybe even in your own parenting at times. Don't be too hard on yourself, though. We all get frustrated sometimes. Just remind yourself that children are adults in training. We should not punish normal childlike behavior.  

Punishment should be reserved for defiant behavior. Likewise, childlike behavior should be age appropriate for the child. For example, a 10 year old shouldn't be crying over a toy in Wal-Mart. That becomes defiant behavior at that point.

God gave us these little people to mold and shape, and we have a huge responsibility to shape them into productive, God-fearing men and women! We should be investing everything we have into them spiritually, especially love. A child who feels loved is certainly more likely to show love in return. God loves us enough to allow us to make mistakes as we grow up in Him..shouldn't we have the same mercies with our children?

Psalm 103:13(ESV)

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him."

God's Army

The Army used to have a slogan: "Be all you can be -The Army!" The commercial showed men and women climbing mountains and jumping out of planes and all kinds of exciting stuff. How inspiring is that? How terrifying is that?!! I can say for me, it's the latter!

The Army's slogan should definitely be an inspiration for Christians. We are certainly an army..God's Army! But notice the slogan says, "Be all you 'CAN' be." It never says, "Be all you 'would like' to be!" Or "Be all other people wish you were!"

My nephew is a P.J. in the Air Force. For those of you who don't know what that job entails, P.J.s (para-rescue jumpers) are the ones who rappel out of helicopters under gunfire to rescue their injured comrades. They also retrieve the bodies of those who sacrifice their lives for our freedom. Could I do that job? Not on your life (no pun intended!)!

I'm a firm believer that we are all created with a specific purpose. Actually, we have many specific purposes. My eyes were opened to this concept on a deeper level after having children. My first born was, from the beginning, full of anxiety and fear. At the same time, he was (and still is) the sweetest heart I know. He was always quick to make friends on the playground, but he only has a few really close friends. My second born was completely opposite. He was a fighter from the get-go. He was the deeply thinking, deeply feeling type with lots of determination. He was slow to make friends, but once he did he was loyal for life! My third-born is a good mix of the two, yet still different. He has a sensitive heart but can deer hunt with no guilt at the same time. He can talk to a fencepost! He has many, many friends, all of whom he considers to be close friends. All of my boys have matured and grown with time, but all of them are basically the same inside as they were from the beginning.

I have always been an introvert myself. I'm not so introverted that I can't make eye contact with someone or that I can't carry a conversation with someone I don't know, but inside, I dread the unsolicited conversation or having to go to group events. I always have. Back in my 20's I decided that there is no reason I had to stay that way. I reasoned that just because I felt introverted didn't mean I had to present myself that way. I became much more outspoken and bold, and I put myself into social situations I had once avoided. I handled it pretty well for a while, but one day it hit me how exhausting it was to pretend to be something I'm not. That day, I retired from the front I had created and embraced who God knit me to be! I felt free from being imprisoned in the jail that I felt the world had forced me into!! Psalm 139:13 (NIV) says: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Knitting something is very intententional and intricate. Every stitch makes a difference in the design and integrity of the finished product. You were "knit" together!

Often times I hear teachers or preachers suggesting that God will give you the courage to overcome what is seen as shortcomings for His purpose, and I completely agree with that! He can and will use you where He sees fit, whether you like it or not! But did you ever think to ask God why he made you who you are to begin with? Just like the potter makes a bowl for soup and a pitcher to pour drinks, God made you for a specific purpose. He gave you the right shape and attributes to complete your purpose, and we are all called to do unique things!

Can you draw or paint? I'm hoping the answer is no, because my next point will be more effective: paint a beautiful ocean scene, complete with seagulls flying overhead and children playing in the waves. Does your painting look like a masterpiece fit for a high-end art gallery or does it look like a 4-year-old finger painted it?

As an artist myself, I can tell you no one can teach you how to paint. It is something you are born knowing and envisioning how to do. It's just created in us from the beginning. Every artist I know has a different, individual style of artistry. No two paintings ever look the same by two different artists! What does your painting look like? Is your painting a big mess? Then, what are you created to do? Are you a writer? A teacher? An engineer? A cook? All can be used for the glory of God.

One of my favorite worship leaders is Chris Tomlin. What I admire about him is how comfortable he is being totally uninhibited in worship in front of thousands of people. His music and lyrics reflect his talent and also his heart for God. Can you imagine him being given that gift and playing quietly at home to himself because he was too shy to perform in a stadium?  God gave him every attribute and also every opportunity he needed to put him where he is today as a major artist of Christian music.

Chris is an example of a Christian who has discovered what he was created to do. What is your purpose? Are you shy and quiet? Be a listener. We can't talk and really listen at the same time..we need listeners! Quiet people are often problem solvers and prayer warriors as well! Are you bold and outgoing? Be a speaker! Someone needs to speak truth into our lives..might as well be you!

1 Peter 4:10 (NIV) says, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."

Use your gifts. YOUR gifts. Apply yourself where you are effective, instead of working in vain trying to keep up with what you think you should be doing. Just think of a world where everyone is using his or her natural gifts! Just think how pleased God would be if we embraced and owned those gifts for His purpose! Just think, what could be accomplished in God's Army if we were being "All We Could Be"?

Label Liability

There seems to be a label for everything these days: A.D.D., O.C.D., Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Personality, and many other diagnoses for certain personality issues. Sometimes I wonder, though, if often times these "disorders" are just simply a manifestation of who we are created to be..our innermost selves exposed.

I come from a long line of O.C.D.ers. My great-grandmother, my grandmother, my mother and I all could be classified as O.C.D. if a psychologist were to have evaluated all of us. I could probably qualify as A.D.H.D. at times too! And let's face it. We all have bouts of forgetfulness, frustration, anxiety, over-reactive anger...all traits of the aforementioned disorder list!

I am aware that there are certainly folks who have a severe form of any of these disorders, so I'm not discounting that some levels of behavior can become destructive enough to require medical attention. However, I can't help but think that we are in a society that too quickly labels us negatively in an effort to shame us from being who we were created to be.

I always like to say that a little O.C.D. is a good thing!! I have a strong determination and drive to get the job done. I can’t remember ever not feeling that way. Sometimes during a project, I work past my exhaustion and into the wee hours of the night in an attempt at reaching the finish line. If I try to stop somewhere in the middle of it and go to bed, I lie awake most of that time rehearsing the details of the project over in my head to the point I could have already had it finished had I stayed up to begin with!

My husband is entirely opposite of me. He has no problem at all with stopping right in the middle of a project and turning on the t.v. and having a sandwich!! Can you believe he needs to eat when he works?!? Those fellow O.C.D.ers out there just whispered a sympathetic, "I know! What's wrong with him?!"

I used to find myself dreaming that with enough thought, I could be one of those "lunch in the middle of a project" types, but as I've gotten older, I have learned to embrace the traits God gave me and to make them work to my (and others') advantage!

I'm pretty sure my O.C.D. is a big advantage in my career as a hair stylist. Would you want a haircut by someone who loses interest halfway through and just wants to get the job done? Yeah, that's what I thought! My O.C.D. was helpful in running a household too. I was in my best element when I had my 3 boys all at home and was cooking, cleaning, running errands and working in my shop at a non-stop pace all day.

My husband, the laid back, never-gets-in-a-hurry man that he is, works in a people-oriented business that requires him to visit with customers and make a positive impression for his company. He truly enjoys just chatting and visiting with strangers (Isn't that weird?!). How would his customers feel if he shooed them out the door in 15 minutes because he had more pressing things to do? People love him because he is genuinely relaxed and enjoying the visit, a trait many of us O.C.D.ers struggle with doing because of our pending to-do list nagging at our brains.

Whether you see yourself as O.C.D. or something completely different, chances are others have already labeled you based on how they see you. That thought probably causes you to try and assess what your "disorder" can be labeled. We all have traits under one of those ugly names. But maybe our "disorders" are actually "orders"! Maybe our personalities were custom-ordered by God Himself!

Psalm 139:14 (NIV) "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Maybe He gave me the drive and determination I possess because He needs me to be a get-it-done and get-it-done-right worker for His Kingdom. Maybe He made my husband to be a seize-the-moment and stop-and-smell-the-roses type so that people feel drawn to him for calmness and support.

We still have to be careful to not just give in to our personalities completely and play the "that's just who I am" card. We are supposed to always be growing and maturing, and reining in our faults should be more natural for us as we mature and practice using self control. Any of our quirks and faults are at risk of becoming a stronghold in our lives that Satan looks to use against us. The bible says Satan seeks to steal, kill and destroy (1Peter 5:8), and he will certainly try to take what God meant for good for you and use it to destroy you!

Romans 7:21-23  (NIV)

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me."

I am determined to not allow my O.C.D. tendencies to control my life. I choose not to seek perfection in my home because I prefer that people feel comfortable over being impressed at how perfect my house looks. I choose to serve the turkey that fell apart when it came out of the oven because it was so tender, instead of having a breakdown because it looks less than picture-perfect.  I choose to wear the shirt that has a small stain on the sleeve because the truth is, no one will even notice it but me! All of these things may sound frivolous to some, but to the O.C.D.er, these are all causes for frustration and irritation! But notice I said "I choose" not to give in to those thoughts. Giving in to them is exactly what the enemy tempts us to do! Instead of affording him that privilege, I choose to use my active mind to plan, work and complete things that matter and reject things that negatively control my life. I am organized, reliable and efficient and can get a lot done in a short time. That's what God intended for me when He made me this way, and he never intended for those traits to make me and everyone around me miserable. He special-ordered me..and you..just the way He chose. Now it's up to us to be a good steward of those gifts. He has a plan for you and he equipped you to serve for His glory!

Remember Not to Forget

I often think about my "starting out" years, when I graduated high school and set out to make my own way in life. I remember thinking, "I can't believe it! I have MY OWN PLACE!" 

Looking back on that time, I realize now how little I had, but at the time I felt like I had hit the jackpot! My favorite place I lived during those years starting out was a little 2 bedroom apartment that was situated over top of a small business. It was only a few years old at that time and even though it was tiny, it was plenty big enough for just me.

I had 2 hand-me-down Archie Bunker style chairs and 2 homemade end tables my dad built with old Wendy's restaurant table tops (remember the Formica tables they had with old newspaper articles on them?!). I bought a small metal and glass table and chairs set for my kitchen for $88 at Big Lots, and I had a bed that my parents let me take from home. I bought a television and VCR on credit from Montgomery Ward that took me 2 years to pay off. That's all I had to my name!

I remember balancing my money carefully so I could be sure to have my $200 rent money each month. I stuck $50 per week back and pretended it wasn't there so I wouldn't be stressed when rent was due. A couple of times a year I had a 5-week month, so I had an extra $50 to go shopping!! I would hit the Hill's Department Store clearance rack for some new clothes!!

During those days, I worked holidays, weekends...pretty much any time I could. I actually worked with a woman who resented and made fun of me for wanting to work on holidays, because if one of us wanted to work, that meant the hair salon I worked in would be open that day, which also meant she would have to be there to answer the phone. She was none too happy about it, and she made that perfectly clear to me every time that happened!

That receptionist had no idea how much I would have loved to have  taken the day off myself, but working on straight commission meant I had to work just to make enough to pay my bills each month. It wasn't that I was just greedy or that I liked nice things and wanted money for extras...I had to work to support myself.

Today, as I write this, I am sitting in my home, comfortable and warm, much more generously furnished than that little apartment from years ago. I didn't have to work in my shop today, so I spent the day cleaning my house and catching up laundry and other odd and end things that needed done around here.

It's days like this that I find myself reminiscing about those apartment years, not because I miss them by any means, but because I don't want to ever forget them. When I am cleaning my house, I think back to never believing I could ever actually have a house..a real house with a yard and everything!!  I also couldn't believe I would ever find someone to love me, but my life has been filled with more love than I thought possible by my husband and 3 sons. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude every time I reflect back on my starting out years. I have been blessed so much more than I ever imagined, and certainly more than I ever deserved.

I never want to forget being a lonely heart, living alone and barely scraping by. It's because of those years that I can see how God has blessed me! I see His hand on everything I own and I see how even when I didn't know how to move forward, God was orchestrating a path for me. I often am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11(NIV):

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank you, Lord, for furniture to dust, that means You planned for me to have furniture to fill my home! Thank you for dishes to wash, that means You made sure I had a meal! Thank you for laundry, that means You clothed me! Thank you for electric bills, water bills and taxes, that means You gave me a nice, warm home with modern conveniences to keep me comfortable! Thank you for handprints, crumbs and things left lying around, and for the people who live here that leave their marks on our home, because at the end of the day, they are my greatest blessings!

Help me remember to never forget, Lord. Help me remember!!

Love Me Less

I always say what's hardest on the parent is probably going to be the best thing for the child. In my experience, that is nearly always the case. It is much easier to just give them what they want than to fight them when you're in "that moment"! One of my most embarrassing moments as a parent tested his theory that I had preached for years, even prior to having children. I had to swallow a lot of crow, let me tell you! But low and behold, my theory proved true! 

It was my 34th birthday, and my entire family of around 15 or so met at Olive Garden for dinner. My husband and I went early to get a table. My 4 year old son was always fairly patient, but I knew when they told us the wait would be nearly an hour that my 15 month old would not fare so well. He was our future president/billionaire/prizefighter/dictator...we weren't really sure yet which direction it might go, but we knew it would definitely "go"! 

Needless to say, waiting was not his strongest attribute. After climbing around in the rocks outside for a while, and then being held like a captured alligator by his dad in the lobby for a few minutes, we were finally called to our table. We were seated, and the waiter promptly handed our little prince a pack of crayons and a coloring menu. His reaction? Just as one would expect a future president/billionaire/prizefighter/dictator would react! Like a rabid monkey on steroids!! He proceeded to swipe not only the menu and crayons off the table, but he swiped EVERYTHING off that was within an arm's radius! Dave and I were frantically trying to grab stuff and get control of the situation as our son began pushing against the table in an attempt to overturn the highchair. He was screaming as though he was on fire! 

Because we had been having problems with this type thing for a few weeks prior to this event, we had started to realize our son seemed to be more into controlling us than enjoying his freedom from the high chair. It seemed like everything had become a power struggle, and we had determined we had to show him we were in control. The way we looked at it, if he began controlling us at less than 2 years old, we would have a huge problem when he became a teen.

So, I made the brave decision of looking him square in the eye and saying, "Cry all you want, it won't do you any good, because you are not getting out of that high chair until we are ready to leave." Well, all systems were go from there!! He amped up a few more decibels! The wait staff began gathering in the corridor, whispering and staring at us. They quit seating anyone near us. 

My father-in-law suggested we pull him out of the seat and “bust his behind”, which I am not opposed to spanking, but at this point with all the audience we had, I was sure someone would accuse us of child abuse if we actually spanked him in public! The icing on the cake was when a very pretentious middle aged woman from the other side of the restaurant came over and said, "Excuse me, is your child ok? Because I could hear him crying from all the way over there and I though maybe he was sick or something and you just weren't doing anything about it." I calmly assured her that he was fine, that it was just an old fashioned temper tantrum, and we'd soon be on our way. We got our food, crammed it down and got out of there as soon as we could. I could feel the silent applause as we walked out. It was many months before I could go back!

We only had one more episode of "restaurant violence" after the big Olive Garden event of 2000, and it was exactly 1 week later. This time we were in Wright's Cafeteria and were in a private room with a partition between us and an empty  room next door. As soon as we put our son in the highchair, he once again started the "I'm on fire, help me!!!" scream. I told him if he started that again he couldn't stay in the room with us (the whole family, this time about 20), and he would have to go into the other room alone. He continued screaming, so I rolled the chair to the room that adjoined our room, made sure the wheels were locked and he was safely strapped in and was not able to push against anything, and I pulled the curtain just enough where I could still see him but he couldn't see us. He fell completely silent. I waited about 15 minutes and opened the curtain and smiled at him. I praised him for being so sweet and invited him over to our side, and he started crying again as if he suddenly remembered he was supposed to still be just as livid that I expected him to actually sit like a gentleman! I re-closed the curtain, finished eating and left him until we were done. From that day on we never had another problem in a restaurant again!

As awful as the Olive Garden night was, it clearly drew a line in the sand for us. Mom and Dad are not weak!! Even though it may have looked that way from the Olive Garden side, we were only concerned how it was being perceived by our child. If he had gotten out of that high chair, even for a spanking, he would have won. His goal was to get out! That's all that mattered. For the strong willed, that pop on the behind, or time out, or whatever you can threaten is worth the win for them getting what they want at any cost! It is all about the win! 

Would it have been easier for us to let him out of the highchair so everyone could eat in peace and we could have not have been embarrassed? Yes! Better for him? NO!! Absolutely not! 

Deuteronomy 6:1 and 2 says, "These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life." When we have a firm hold on our kids now, they will have a less-stressful life later.

Another aspect of firm parenting is that your children will see you as truthful. If you throw out meaningless threats when they are little, what makes you think they'll believe you when you talk about the consequences of drugs or sex when they're teens? Meaning what you say now is establishing a foundation of trust between you and your child that will last a lifetime! It takes a lot more wherewithal to stand firm and be parents who are in the driver's seat than it does to give your little bundles of joy the reins. It's tough. It's tiring. It's much harder on you...which usually means it's what's best for them.

On a side note, our little president/billionaire/prizefighter/dictator has grown into an outstanding young man who worked hard and graduated high school a semester early, and he has become the youngest manager his employer has ever promoted. He rents his own apartment, pays his own bills and works harder than most anyone I know. He is not afraid to face the unknown and he is confident in the face of a challenge! We are proud that he has used his strong will and determination for good and are excited to see how God will use him along his path to success!

Hang in there, parents of the strong willed! Don't be afraid to stand firmly in the hurricane and being his or her anchor, no matter how big the waves may be. One day they will make you proud, and it'll all be worth it!

About Me

I am a 57 year old born-again Christian, wife, mom of three boys, and Granny to two little boys. All of those titles come with a lot of work and great responsibility, but all of them also fulfill my soul’s every need.  Some of what you’ll read on here comes from the deepest hurts I have lived through, but some of it is a result of my greatest joys!

I don’t claim to have all the answers. I have made numerous mistakes in my life and have learned many lessons the hard way. I have learned throughout my life that we are all pretty much the same! We all have our own baggage to deal with, and we all have our individual personalities that shape how we deal with life. The things I speak of in this blog are simply my own experiences that taught me some pretty tough lessons!  I hope I can encourage someone out there who might relate to my experiences and observations.