How Great is Thou Art

When my son was in kindergarten, he painted me a picture. It was awful! The tree was the wrong color, and the grass was scribbled in a side-to side manner, instead of vertical, like grass is supposed to be! The clouds weren't at all realistic, and the flowers were way out of proportion to the rest of the background. I was ashamed of it! I would never want anyone else to see it. I wanted to throw if in the trash where it belongs!

How terrible of a mother do you think I am? Well, actually, I just made that whole story up! If you have been in my house, you have probably seen much of my boys' artwork proudly displayed for all to see. Because I love them so, I think everything they create is a masterpiece! I look at that sideways grass and think it looks perfect. I love that the flowers are huge! I love that their little minds saw the world in an unconventional way, and I love that they thought it was okay to paint a tree pink. They weren't held back by rules and opinions created by others. They painted the world as they envisioned it to be in their minds. They ran in the door the day they finished it, excited to present it to me and to see my excitement as well.

In my line of work, styling hair, I often hear people critique themselves negatively. They don't like their ears, they don't like their nose, they see themselves as too short or too heavy. People with dark hair wish they were blonde, and people with blonde hair wish they were brunette.

I think often about how sad our opinions of ourselves makes God, The God Who created us exactly like He planned. He put much thought into what color of hair we would have, and whether we would be tall or short. He took little pieces of our mother and father, and our grandparents and other ancestors for thousands of years, and combined each little detail to make us "Us".

What must He think when He sees us look in the mirror with disgust? Do we break His heart that we dislike ourselves so much? In His eyes, we are wonderfully made!

Think for a moment about my previous story. Were you imagining the look on my child's face at the thought of me degrading him? Were you feeling sympathy for how hard he worked, only for me to totally disregard his effort? Would you ever think of reacting the way I pretended to react earlier to an Almighty God, our Creator, if He Himself handed us a hand-painted original He created just for us?

Don't break God's heart. Embrace who He made you to be. Love what He created and appreciate His vision for who you were supposed to be. You are beautiful, and you are exactly who you are supposed to be. Show Him how pleased you are with his artwork!

Psalm 139:14 NIV

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Raising Your Kids in a Choice Hotel

Today my soon-to-be daughter-in-law and I were discussing my boys and their antics over the years and we talked about what all things kids can get into that the parents might not always know about. I think sometimes we are better off not knowing everything! All kids get into mischief at times, some more than others.

I have to say though, as far as boys go, I have some pretty good ones. Overall, I have had very little serious trouble with any of them. Sure, they did some things here and there that disappointed us. Yes, they made mistakes (and so did we as parents!). But, when I look back now, especially knowing more at this point about times they had to make certain difficult choices on their own, I am super proud of them and the choices they’ve made. I am always aware, however, that we are all one choice away from ruin at any given moment. My boys are human, and all of us are fallible.

When raising children, most parents desire to raise them the “right” way. But how do you know if raising your children right is going to actually lead them to practice what you teach them? What makes one child go the straight and narrow way and another child in the same family go off the rails? I’m sure personality is a part of it. Birth order seems to have some bearing on behavior and personality as well. Genetic disposition might also be to blame. In some more extreme cases, mental illness may even play a part. 

It is our responsibility as parents to help our kids make the best life choices until they have the insight to make them on their own. Still, no matter how hard we try, some will still rebel against us. When it comes down to it, the real problem we all face as parents is remembering that our kids were born with a sin nature. 

Ezekiel 28:15

You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created till wickedness was found in you.

Yes, that sweet little baby you bring home from the hospital, all innocent and precious, is born into this sinful, fallen world. He will one day soon lie about eating that cookie. She will say that bad word you’ve warned her not to say. As the years go by, the issues are bigger, more serious issues. As teens, they’ll be faced with choices about drinking alcohol, taking drugs or having sex. Their choices can lead to big problems for the parents. Once they become adults, their choices about many of these behaviors as children can morph into strongholds that last a lifetime.

So how do we protect our kids? We can start by being strong as parents. From the very beginning, they need to know you will call them out when you see them making the wrong choices. They need consequences every single time. They need to be reminded that you love them too much to allow that “thing” to become a stronghold in their lives. Of course, they need to see you practicing what you preach as well. With some kids, you can nail this down fairly quickly. With others, it’s a never-ending process! Either way, you can’t give up! I have always thought that what’s best for the child is usually what’s the hardest thing for the parents. If parenting is easy, you are doing it wrong!

My middle son had a friend who made some really poor choices for himself in high school and he reaped the consequences of them, leaving his parents heartbroken. The parents were good, Christian people who were trying to raise him right. When my son spoke of this boy and what he was doing with his life, I often voiced how sorry I felt for his parents. I pointed out how much that must have hurt them to see their son go that way...this boy they loved so deeply was causing himself so much strife, one bad choice at a time. Then, I would tell my son that as a parent myself, I understand that their goal was for that boy to have success and happiness in life, and that I can promise that I would go to the ends of the earth to keep him from making the same bad choices as his friend. Even if that meant being in his business, even if that meant making him mad, even if that meant looking like a fool if I was wrong, I was not going to be afraid to guide him the right way, and he knew it. 

I said all those things to him because I wanted my son to feel confident that someone had his back, but I also wanted him to think about how his choices would affect me and Dave as parents. Not only would he break our hearts if he chose trouble, but we would also be held responsible for his wrongdoing while he was a minor. I wanted him to know we would give him freedom to make most of his own choices, yet we weren’t afraid to step in where we saw him teetering too close to the line. I also reminded him that his brothers were influenced by his choices as well, and that he carried some responsibility in leading them well. I have had this talk with all three of my boys at one time or another. My main goal for all of my boys was for them to think, and not just do.

My middle son and my oldest son are now grown and on their own. Even still, my boys are all at risk for making poor choices. The difference is, now for the older two, I am no longer responsible for those choices. Now, it is completely up to them, as are the consequences that follow. They have free will, and as adults, they have plenty of opportunity to do whatever they choose. I hope they choose well, and I know without a doubt that we have given them every opportunity to succeed as upstanding individuals. But, that’s where our responsibility ends. From here, it’s up to them. 

If you have young kids, you have a big job ahead of you. Are you up for the task? Give your children the gift of your determination for them to grow into the adult you hope they will become (James 1:12). Don’t give in to the easy route when a little work is required. Have their friends come to your house so you get to know them. Help them choose good friends (Proverbs 13:20). 

They need you. They don’t know what they’re doing yet! They actually want your guidance, even if you feel rejected (Ephesians 6:4). They need to be allowed to make many of their own choices, but they also need help knowing the pros and cons of each choice (Ephesians 5:15). They need boundaries to feel safe and secure. They need you to be the bad guy sometimes, so they can blame you for not allowing them to go to that party that maybe they weren’t sure about anyway! 

Be that mom or dad (Proverbs 22:6). Check out their social media posts. Look at their phones. Get in their business! As they grow and mature and make great choices, your job gradually diminishes and things get easier. Give more freedom where it is earned by good choices. 

Pray....and pray some more. Ask God for His hand of protection over your kids. Ask Him to help you know the next move you need to make as a parent (Ephesians 6:18). Teach your children about God and His plan for them (Proverbs 19:21). Live what you teach (1 Peter 5:2-3). Then one day, when the choices they make are no longer yours, you can release them and know they’ll be okay (Hebrews 12:11). They will make you proud, and you won’t regret one minute you spent in the process. Teach them to choose well.