Little Cup of Purpose

This little cup. It may just look like a little Dixie cup, but this cup holds a big message.

Back in February 2019, just after losing my brother, Mom, and Dad, I spent much of my time pilfering through all the things at my parents' house that would have to be moved before we could sell the house and wrap up their estate. For weeks, I sorted costume jewelry, notes and receipts, little tubes of hydrocortisone and antibiotic cream, "World's Best Dad" and "World's Best Mom" plaques, and old greeting cards they had received over the years.

Most people realize when their parents pass that they'll have the house and furniture, and maybe even kitchen items and clothing to dispose of, but it's all of these little, seemingly insignificant things that hurt your heart the most. I think for me, it's the realization that when they bought that tube of ointment for a small scratch on their hand, or that roll of aluminum foil to cover the day's leftovers, they had no idea that they wouldn't live long enough to use it up. 

As I dutifully packed up, threw away and organized things for the estate sale, I bagged up some of the open-packaged items that I could use at our house instead of trashing them. Among those things was a nearly unused 100-pack of little bathroom cups that Mom used to sort her pills into every day. She would carefully get each prescription pill from the bottle and put one of each type in cups for the next morning, noon and night. When I grabbed that bag of cups, I wasn't sure we'd even use them. Seven years later, I still have 8 left in the mason jar iny bathroom cabinet, where I put them back then.

A few days before Christmas, my little 3 year old grandson spent the night with us. As I got him ready the next morning, he opened the vanity door and stood on the cabinet frame as he tried to reach the faucet to rinse after brushing his teeth. I immediately remembered we had a few of the little cups from Mom and Dad's house in my bathroom, so I quickly ran and got one for him to use. He filled the cup and rinsed. He was fascinated with that little cup. He kept refilling it and re-rinsing just for the fun of it.

This morning I was cleaning up that bathroom when I saw that little cup still sitting there beside the sink. That's when it hit me:

Late 2018 and early 2019 were, bar none, the toughest season of my life. My two oldest sons had back-to-back weddings in August and September, but my dad had been so sick for several months that I hardly noticed the almost empty nest that was forming around me from two of my three kids leaving home. My dad had been fighting pancreatic cancer for over a year when my brother unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack that November. My mom, who had some chronic issues but had been stable, suddenly tanked after the bitter loss of her first born. She only made it five weeks after my brother passed, then Dad gave up his fight and went on to be with Jesus two months and two days after Mom passed. 

I had been in "boots on the ground" mode for so long, I just stayed the course and kept taking care of what needed to be taken care of at that point. Within the following months, I felt so much exhaustion it was sometimes difficult to get out of bed. I tried to make the best of the time I had left with my then 16 year old before his time would soon come to leave for college, but in between the good times with him and Dave, I wanted to just crawl in a hole and never come out again. I couldn't see how life could ever be as happy as it once was. I missed my life as a mom..an active, in the role, mom. I missed being a daughter. I missed having a purpose. On so many levels, it was like the life I loved so much had just been ripped out from under me.

Then today, this little cup shows up on the bathroom counter where it was left by my grandson. That cup was held in those sweet little hands that had no idea about all the hurt, emptiness and exhaustion that came with that pack of cups all those years ago. Mom and Dad had no idea when they bought that package of cups that I would one day have three little grandbabies, and one of my grandsons would be using one of those cups seven years later. 

As much as I remember all of that loss and heartache, I can truly say I am finally in a time where healing has taken place and life feels right again...where peace has replaced sadness. I guess I hadn't realized how much I've healed until this reminder today. In the middle of suffering, it's hard to see how beauty can await down the road, yet somehow, it does.

That little cup, it represents so much more than it's intended purpose. That little cup is a reminder that God is good, and He knew exactly where that cup would end up and the little hands that would hold it. He knew how those grandbabies would be part of a brand new chapter, one that is also beautiful, even if in a different way than the life I had to give up. He knew. 

Whatever trials you're facing today, hang onto that. He knows, and He has a plan for your healing too, even if you can't see it from where you're standing now. Your little cup might be right in front of you all along. Even if you can't see it, God does, and He knows the beauty that's yet to come.

Isaiah 61:3 NIV

"and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Level Up Your Worship: Clean Your House

Our first house

                        

  I have always been thankful for anything and everything I had, old or new, popular or outdated, expensive or cheap. Living on my own since I was 18 taught me how hard it is to work for the things I need, and how to live without the things I don't. 

  I was talking to my daughter-in-law last week about how thankful I am to clean house. Although this is a chore that most people dread or complain about, each time I clean my home is a worship experience for me. I'm not saying that to sound haughty or show how "Christiany" I am. I just truly can't believe, even to this day, that I have my very own home. 

  From the time I had my first little 1970s trailer, I have always felt it was surreal that I had my very own home. That first trailer came furnished with the finest orange, fall-leaf-covered couch there was in 1984, and I didn't even mind that it didn't match the green shag carpet. The gold kitchen stove heated up Ragu sauce and chicken noodle soup just fine! 

  I hung pictures and cleaned and arranged things to make that little place the best home I could for what it was. From there, I eventually moved to an even nicer trailer down the road, also furnished, but with a more modern 1980s motif. The landlord required that the plastic that was on the mattress had to stay since it was a rental, so I did my best to not roll over at night since the sound of the plastic would wake me up. Still, I was so thankful and felt like I was "movin' on up" like the Jefferson's did!

  Eventually a little apartment came up for rent up the road from my trailer, actually just in between it and the first trailer. It was not a big complex, but two little apartments above a little strip of businesses. I was so excited! It was fairly new, very clean and all that I needed, just not furnished like the other two places I lived. 

  My parents gave me a bed to use (no more plastic!!), and the dad of my boyfriend at the time gave me two old Archie Bunker recliners from his garage. My brother worked at Wendy's back in those days. They were doing away with their old newspaper clipping tabletops, so he brought several of them home. My dad used 2x4s to make frames for them and used the tabletops to turn them into end tables for me.

  That year was my first ever big purchase: a new TV and a VCR. I signed up for my first credit, a Montgomery Ward card. It took me 2 years of payments to pay that off, but I was so thankful to have my very own TV, and a VCR to boot! (Back then, having a VCR was extra cool!!) I set my TV and VCR on one of my little end tables on one side of my little living room, and put the other end table between recliners. My living room was fully furnished! Then I found a little octagon shaped glass top kitchen table with brass metal framing and wicker backed chairs. It was $88 at Big Lots. I saved up for a few weeks to buy that. 

  I had to go to the laundromat just down the road from my apartment every week. I had two clothes baskets, one for dirty clothes, and one for the clean clothes I folded and brought back home. They stayed in the clean basket because I didn't have a dresser or chest of drawers. That worked out pretty well, actually. I just rotated those baskets as things got dirty and then washed clean again.

  During those years, I moved several more times. The last place I lived before Dave and I got married was my little apartment on Fall Creek Road. The landlords were friends of mine, and they let me do a few little things to that place to fix it up a little nicer. I bought a little apartment size washer and dryer from a coworker that they let me hook up in the kitchen, so no more laundromat! I bought my first living room suite there, a "one year same as cash" deal at Grand Furniture. I couldn't believe I had my own furniture! New furniture!! When Dave and I got married in 1993, that was our first living room suite we used when we moved into a bigger apartment in the same building just a few doors down. 

  In 1994, we were able to buy our first real house!! It was right at 1000 square feet, and was in a sweet little neighborhood in Indian Springs. We paid $40,500, and we were terrified! Our apartment rent had been $300 and our house payment was going to be $400. I wasn't sure how we could afford it, but we just buckled down and watched our money closely and were able to make it somehow. I remember pulling up in the driveway and thinking, "Wow! I don't have to worry about anybody getting my parking space anymore! " I actually could not believe that I had my own driveway and a yard instead of a parking lot. I also couldn't believe that we had more than one bedroom and our very own deck to sit on! 

  We lived in that little house for 5 years, having our first two boys while we lived there. We had the sweetest life there. We would take them out on the deck and turn the music up and dance with them. We had a real Christmas tree the first year we live there, until we found out I was allergic to it, so the second year we lived there we bought our first artificial tree, the same one we still use to this day. We started hosting Easter and Thanksgiving and other things because we were so excited to have a place to do that. We had our kids' birthday parties there and put a swing set in the back yard. I loved to sit outside and watch my kids playing in the sprinkler and riding their little toys around the driveway. I loved the days that Dave mowed the yard, just enjoying the smell of our own grass! We took a shot at growing our first tomatoes there and they did so well that the vines grew up over the living room windows that were probably 6 ft off the ground! That little home was such a blessing to us in so many ways, more than I can count. 

  Eventually, the boys were getting bigger and we found that we needed a little more room. Our next home was bought in 1999 and was on Curtis Court in Indian Springs. Built in the '70s, it had some updates throughout the '80s, but still needed a lot of work. It happened that our neighbor, Bill, was the type of guy that could do anything, and over the years, he taught us how to do plumbing, wiring, structural repair, and basically anything that had to do with home improvement. 

  By the time we sold that house in 2012, it looked like a brand new home! We just chipped away at it a little at a time and made it our own. We had our third son while we lived there, and we had huge family gatherings, picnics in the back yard in the summertime, football games in the front yard in the fall, and sled rides in the field behind the house in the winter. I always say that Curtis Court is where our best life happened! Those were by far the sweetest years of my life. 

  As the boys became teenagers and our needs changed, we moved to where we live now. This house is more than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever have. It's not a mansion or even a dream home, it's nothing special at all, actually. It's just a regular house in a regular neighborhood. But there's never a time that I clean house or hang a picture that I don't remember my first little trailer, and I don't ever want to ever forget that. In fact, I was inspired to write this from my dining room chair just after climbing under it to dust all the little details on the bottoms of the chairs and the base of the table. The whole time I was dusting, I was thanking God for each person who has sat in these chairs, for each meal that we've had at this table, for each laugh that we've had here with family and friends, even for the little tiny scratches that were put on it from our 4-year-old's little Hot Wheels cars back when we first bought it in 1999. 

  It is a blessing to have what we have, no matter how small or big, no matter how cheap or expensive, no matter how new or old. We are so, so blessed..nearly all of us in this country are, really. Having a home to clean, having a yard to mow or a car to wash...what huge, wonderful blessings! I know I am blessed way more than I could have ever earned, and so much more than I deserve. I don't ever want to get too busy, complacent or spoiled to forget that.

  It's easy to get caught up in stress, work, obligation, and routine and forget how far you've come and how fortunate you are to have what you have now. Your attitude is so different, though, when you view those things as privileges instead of expectations, and gifts instead of burdens, and begin seeing them as the blessings they truly are, and praising The One who brought you to where you are and gave you all of that to enjoy. What an amazing opportunity to worship Him!

  I encourage each of you to think back on your own story...where you began, how hard you've worked, how many times you tried looking into the future and couldn't imagine ever having anything more than what you had in that moment. As you pick up your things to dust and move things to vacuum, wash the mud off your tires or mow the grass, think of those earlier, simpler times and be thankful for how far our Father has carried you, and know how much He must love you to bless you with all that you have along the way ❤️.

James 1:17 NIV

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Colossians 2:6-7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Some photos of our first apartment in 1993 and the first couch I ever bought: