Things I've learned as I get older:
I didn't understand how short 40-50 years was when my grandmother still had breakdowns over losing her dad and brother in a tragic accident when she was 15 years old. I wish I had known to have more compassion, I wish I would have cried with her and acknowledged her loss. I can't imagine, Nanny, how devastating that was for you.
I didn't know that my grandfather's sternness was his way of standing his ground against this crazy world, preparing himself to stand before The Lord one day and giving an account of his motives. All of us have a little of you in us, Papaw, even your great, great grandbabies do. Your legacy will live on for generations.
I didn't understand why my mom cried the day I moved out of the house to start out on my own. Why couldn't she have just been happy for me for once? I wish I would have known that her life was changing too. I'm sorry Mom, I get it now. We were very different, but you were my mom. No one will ever replace you.
I didn't understand how hard my dad was pushing most of my life just to get through another day of the pain from injuries he suffered in an accident at such a young age. I wish I could have known how to help more to lighten his load instead of resenting household chores and yard work. I'm so proud of you, Dad. You were truly a warrior.
I didn't understand how hard my Granddaddy's life probably was growing up. When my "I love you's" were returned with a stern "Yeah.", I didn't know how hard it was for him to receive true love. I look like you, Granddaddy. I still have a quarter you gave me for Christmas when I was 10.
I didn't know how short life really would be when I told my Granny I would come see her again soon, only to spend my weekends with people who aren't even part of my life now. I wish I could have just even a minute of the time I wasted that could have been spent with her and eased some of her loneliness. So much of you is ingrained in me, Granny. I hope my grandbabies see a little of who you were in me. You're the reason I chose my grandparent name, Granny.
I didn't know the last time I saw my big brother would be the last. I wish I had hugged him a little longer. I wish I had known how short his life would be. I wish I had told him how as a child I always idolized him. I always felt safe when Kevin was nearby. "Three of us" never sounds right. We were four. I miss you, Kevin.
As I get older, I get it. Life has a way of teaching us even when we don't know we are the students. Lessons learned.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
