Today, I found myself thinking about life, which I often do. I started pondering, "What is the core theme of my life?" If you really stop and think about it, we all carry a theme underneath our attitudes and actions. I would have to say for me, my life's theme is thankfulness.
I don't ever want to forget what my life was when I was just starting out. I still let myself think back often, almost daily, in fact, to the years that I struggled to find happiness and make my own way. I put up with so much disrespect and abuse, all for the sake of not being alone. I lived in rented trailers and apartments, using scraps of furniture that were handed down to me from various people and places. At the end of winter, I bought things for next winter from the clearance rack at Hill's, and I bought summer clothes for next year at the end of summer, too.
I didn't have a car, so my dad picked me up and delivered me to the shop where I worked each day. Eventually, I bought my first car, a 1978 Mazda GLC hatchback, for $800. I had saved up a Christmas account that year, and cashed it in early and asked my boss for my paycheck a few days before our normal Monday payday so I could buy it off the lot that Friday. I couldn't believe I actually had my own car!
I often survived on groceries my sweet Nanny brought me in what she called "care packages". In one of my poorest moments, I added some Italian spices to a can of tomato soup she had given me to make a batch of spaghetti sauce that I ate every day and night for over a week! I remember envying the meals my coworkers ate most days from Bassett's in the mall where our shop was located. Nearly every day, I ate a Snickers bar and a Coke for lunch, an 86 cent meal that got me through the day just fine, even though those green beans and fried chicken the others had sure did look good! (I actually came across my old checkbook registries when we moved in 2012 and saw how many checks I wrote to Eckerd's for my candy bar and soft drink lunch all those times!)
Somehow, through the grace of The Good Lord, I was never a day late on a bill, and I always had enough money to pay my rent, utilities, car insurance and gas. I didn't have any health insurance, but thankfully didn't have any sickness or big events during those years.
I was in the shop from 8:00 am until 8:00 pm most days taking every walk-in I could get, along with being the only one working every holiday that I could get by with, even if the shop was officially closed (the receptionist at that time hated me for that, but she had no idea how detrimental that day off would have been to me financially!).
God was so good to me, even when I didn't recognize that He was The One providing for me. So now that I understand it, I don't ever want to forget those days, the days of being the lost little 18 year old girl, trying to figure it all out and make it on my own, learning some hard, hard lessons along the way.
Jesus was always there, always stepping just before me and showing me the way. For that, I'm still so thankful all these years later. I'm certainly not wealthy and never will be, but I still can't believe I have my own house, my own yard and my own driveway (and not a parking lot!). I have a wonderful husband who loves and respects me, and I have children and grandchildren that fill my life with purpose and value, all of the things I always wanted the most.
Thankfulness is always at the root of my thinking. Each night as I close my shop door, I thank God for each soul who walked through that door that day. When I spend the day cleaning my house, I thank Him for having this house to clean. When I pay for gas, I thank Him for the car I have to drive and the money He provides for gas. When I lie down at night, I thank Him that I'm tired from a day filled with the responsibilities of the blessings He has given me.
Still to this day, I have moments of awe at what a wonderful life I have been blessed to live. His grace and mercy are sufficient. Just like God says He will, He does, in fact, make beauty from ashes, and His love never fails. Not once. I am so, so thankful!
What's your theme?
Proverbs 27:19
As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart
