Lessons Learned

 

Things I've learned as I get older:

I didn't understand how short 40-50 years was when my grandmother still had breakdowns over losing her dad and brother in a tragic accident when she was 15 years old. I wish I had known to have more compassion, I wish I would have cried with her and acknowledged her loss. I can't imagine, Nanny, how devastating that was for you.

I didn't know that my grandfather's sternness was his way of standing his ground against this crazy world, preparing himself to stand before The Lord one day and giving an account of his motives. All of us have a little of you in us, Papaw, even your great, great grandbabies do. Your legacy will live on for generations.

I didn't understand why my mom cried the day I moved out of the house to start out on my own. Why couldn't she have just been happy for me for once? I wish I would have known that her life was changing too. I'm sorry Mom, I get it now. We were very different, but you were my mom. No one will ever replace you. 

I didn't understand how hard my dad was pushing most of my life just to get through another day of the pain from injuries he suffered in an accident at such a young age. I wish I could have known how to help more to lighten his load instead of resenting household chores and yard work. I'm so proud of you, Dad. You were truly a warrior.

I didn't understand how hard my Granddaddy's life probably was growing up. When my "I love you's" were returned with a stern "Yeah.", I didn't know how hard it was for him to receive true love. I look like you, Granddaddy. I still have a quarter you gave me for Christmas when I was 10.

I didn't know how short life really would be when I told my Granny I would come see her again soon, only to spend my weekends with people who aren't even part of my life now. I wish I could have just even a minute of the time I wasted that could have been spent with her and eased some of her loneliness. So much of you is ingrained in me, Granny. I hope my grandbabies see a little of who you were in me. You're the reason I chose my grandparent name, Granny.

I didn't know the last time I saw my big brother would be the last. I wish I had hugged him a little longer. I wish I had known how short his life would be. I wish I had told him how as a child I always idolized him. I always felt safe when Kevin was nearby. "Three of us" never sounds right. We were four. I miss you, Kevin.

As I get older, I get it. Life has a way of teaching us even when we don't know we are the students. Lessons learned.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

What's Your Theme?

What's your personal theme?

Today, I found myself thinking about life, which I often do. I started pondering, "What is the core theme of my life?" If you really stop and think about it, we all carry a theme underneath our attitudes and actions. I would have to say for me, my life's theme is thankfulness. 

I don't ever want to forget what my life was when I was just starting out. I still let myself think back often, almost daily, in fact, to the years that I struggled to find happiness and make my own way. I put up with so much disrespect and abuse, all for the sake of not being alone. I lived in rented trailers and apartments, using scraps of furniture that were handed down to me from various people and places. At the end of winter, I bought things for next winter from the clearance rack at Hill's, and I bought summer clothes for next year at the end of summer, too. 

I didn't have a car, so my dad picked me up and delivered me to the shop where I worked each day. Eventually, I bought my first car, a 1978 Mazda GLC hatchback, for $800. I had saved up a Christmas account that year, and cashed it in early and asked my boss for my paycheck a few days before our normal Monday payday so I could buy it off the lot that Friday. I couldn't believe I actually had my own car!

I often survived on groceries my sweet Nanny brought me in what she called "care packages". In one of my poorest moments, I added some Italian spices to a can of tomato soup she had given me to make a batch of spaghetti sauce that I ate every day and night for over a week! I remember envying the meals my coworkers ate most days from Bassett's in the mall where our shop was located. Nearly every day, I ate a Snickers bar and a Coke for lunch, an 86 cent meal that got me through the day just fine, even though those green beans and fried chicken the others had sure did look good! (I actually came across my old checkbook registries when we moved in 2012 and saw how many checks I wrote to Eckerd's for my candy bar and soft drink lunch all those times!)

Somehow, through the grace of The Good Lord, I was never a day late on a bill, and I always had enough money to pay my rent, utilities, car insurance and gas. I didn't have any health insurance, but thankfully didn't have any sickness or big events during those years. 

I was in the shop from 8:00 am until 8:00 pm most days taking every walk-in I could get, along with being the only one working every holiday that I could get by with, even if the shop was officially closed (the receptionist at that time hated me for that, but she had no idea how detrimental that day off would have been to me financially!). 

God was so good to me, even when I didn't recognize that He was The One providing for me. So now that I understand it, I don't ever want to forget those days, the days of being the lost little 18 year old girl, trying to figure it all out and make it on my own, learning some hard, hard lessons along the way. 

Jesus was always there, always stepping just before me and showing me the way. For that, I'm still so thankful all these years later. I'm certainly not wealthy and never will be, but I still can't believe I have my own house, my own yard and my own driveway (and not a parking lot!). I have a wonderful husband who loves and respects me, and I have children and grandchildren that fill my life with purpose and value, all of the things I always wanted the most. 

Thankfulness is always at the root of my thinking. Each night as I close my shop door, I thank God for each soul who walked through that door that day. When I spend the day cleaning my house, I thank Him for having this house to clean. When I pay for gas, I thank Him for the car I have to drive and the money He provides for gas. When I lie down at night, I thank Him that I'm tired from a day filled with the responsibilities of the blessings He has given me. 

Still to this day, I have moments of awe at what a wonderful life I have been blessed to live. His grace and mercy are sufficient. Just like God says He will, He does, in fact, make beauty from ashes, and His love never fails. Not once. I am so, so thankful!

What's your theme?

Proverbs 27:19

As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart

Unstolen

 

This February, by no fault of his own, Dave lost his job. It was just cutting numbers on paper to his employer, but to Dave, it was a big punch in the gut. 

The news came on a Wednesday, the day before his 54th birthday. Just the Saturday before, he had went in and worked a full day just to do the right thing for the company and accommodate some contractors that needed his help finishing a project, a day he wouldn't get paid for since he was on salary. Of course, he was devastated and felt completely unappreciated and cheated. He felt like his job had been stolen from him. 

That morning, he called to ask for me to pray for him because he had been called into a meeting in H.R.  The company was making budget cuts, and he feared his position might be expendable. That call to a meeting was a good indicator he would be let go that day.

Dave is the easy-going one of us. I'm usually the planner, the "got a fire under me" type, determined to figure out the next step and get started on a fix immediately. But that morning, when he called, The Lord showed up. I dropped to my knees right there and all I said was, "We trust you, Lord. Whatever you have planned, we trust you!" I stood up from that prayer feeling not just ok, but actually excited about what would happen next. I kept feeling thankful it happened, like it was a good thing, even though we had no idea at all what we would do, or how long he might be unemployed. The only explanation for my peace in that moment is that God had His hand on us and it was palpable.

Dave came home completely broken, and it broke my heart to see him that way. Still, I had peace and surety that this was a good turn of events, even as painful as it was for him. Each day, multiple times per day, I asked The Lord to give Dave the same peace I was feeling. 

He was comforted by so many calls and texts from family, friends and colleagues who showed their utter disbelief he was let go, and offered their support for him. Still, he struggled with the why's and why nots that come with such a sudden life change that's out of our control.

A few days in, I was busy getting ready for the day, when all of a sudden The Lord gave me a thought. It was so clear to me right in that moment that everything we have is His. Everything! Our home, our children, our marriage, our income, and yes, even our jobs. Everything we have comes back to His provisions over us, as He supplies us with everything we need and some of the things we want along the way. So it occurred to me, if this job is God's, who has the power to steal it from Him?

No one has the power to steal anything from God! No human, and not even satan has the power or the authority to steal anything from The Creator of the universe, The Most High God! So if Dave's job wasn't stolen from him, as he was feeling at the time, then it must still be God's to do what He wants with, and in this case, He saw fit to remove Dave from it. 

I firmly believe if God removed Dave from a job he loved and was very good at doing, then He surely had something better planned for him, and he did. He was only unemployed for one month, and is now in a job he loves even more.

You may not have lost your job, but what about your family, or your peace? Your health may be suffering. Maybe you've lost a friend or a loved one, or a relationship that meant so much to you. Maybe your dreams haven't come true.  Maybe you're feeling cheated. So, if that is you tonight, ask yourself,  "Who can steal whatever you have lost from God?"  The answer is still no one. NO ONE, including the devil himself, has the authority to steal anything from The One Who created you, gave you a purpose and supplied you with everything you need to fulfill it. Sometimes He allows things to be moved out of your path to grow you, and to keep you on the journey He so carefully planned out just for you. That doesn't mean we won't feel pain in the process. It may be scary, and it may be hard. Trust Him anyway. It all belongs to Him. Walk in that peace today.

Deuteronomy 10:14 NIV

To the Lord your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it.